Cool Cherry Cream

My brother and I are watching Full House and it’s this episode where Uncle Jesse becomes an Elvis impersonator. Half the episode is him dressed up in an Elvis costume singing and dancing to Elvis songs.

“I did not come here to watch an Elvis impersonator,” I said, “I came here to watch Full House!

“This is like if they did an entire episode of Joey doing his stand-up routine. I didn’t come here to watch a bad comedy show!

“…okay, well, I guess I kinda did.”

It all started in elementary school. I forget now what grade I was in. Three, four, or five. Anyway, it was Christmas time and the junior wing (or was it primary? I could never figure it out) was all gathered together in one of the classrooms to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”. I found it rather boring. All I remember is a dance floor breaking apart (like as in an earthquake) and people running away so as to not get caught in the rift.

Seriously? Is that actually part of a Christmas movie? Or am I just making this up? Maybe it was in a preview for another movie.

Anyway, a couple of other kids in my class were rather unamused as well. They started throwing popcorn around. Teachers got pissed and made our whole class leave. Sucked, because even though it was a sucky movie, at least we weren’t in class.

Ever since then, I’ve had this thing against black and white movies.

Well, I had to watch “Citizen Kane” because it was the greatest movie of all time. I just can’t remember anything about it. It was terribly boring. Yes, I’m told it was technically brilliant and ahead of its time… I still found it boring. I’m not wrong. That’s what I thought of it.

We watched “Schindler’s List” in grade 12 over the course of probably a month. It’s a damn long movie. And I just didn’t care for it. Maybe had I seen it all in one sitting, maybe it would’ve been better. But I just found it so boring.

On the other end of the spectrum, I didn’t care much for “Plan 9 From Outer Space”, the worst movie of all time, either. And that’s really more my style. It just wasn’t as bad as I had hoped, I guess. Plus, there was no way it could stand up to the hilarity of the “Plan 9″ play I was doing at school, which, alas, only lasted for a few weeks before we decided to do something else. Hey, at least I had more than four lines in that one. In “Plan 9″, I was Policeman and Woman Mourner. ?_?

I’ve seen a few black and white MST3k episodes. Some of those weren’t too bad (well… you know what I mean). I just can’t watch old “Twilight Zone” episodes. They are generally pretty terribly acted (the few I’ve seen at least) and they just don’t hold my interest. I really honestly prefer reading the Wikipedia summaries. The stories are awesome and make you think, but the show just drags on.

So, am I just an uncultured buffoon? A short-attention-spanned kid? Is this my fault? Or have I been spoiled? They ^[who?] that we one day will view non-3D films in this way. I’ve not seen a 3D film yet (unless rides at Disney World count) and really have no desire to. It just seems unnecessary to me. I’m still amazed by high-definition (Mick Jagger looked more real in “Shine A Light” than he did when I saw him live — and this is not a plastic surgery-type joke).

So. There we have it. Or don’t. Whatever. I’m going to bed.

My dad brought some groceries back from the States since they’re a bit cheaper down there. He bought a bunch of huge Heinz ketchup bottles. Very quickly, I noticed something amiss. Suddenly, my hot dogs did not taste so good. My scrambled eggs were much too spicy. I started to abstain from eating these delicious meals because I simply could not stomach this hot ketchup.

I went to the States with my family a few times this summer, and of course, ate in their restaurants. Friendly’s, Bob Evan’s, Cracker Barrell, Junior’s Cheesecake (and it was the best cheesecake I have ever had)… I quite like them. But alas! Their ketchup was spicy! I now had no doubt in my mind that it was the American ketchup tainting my enjoyment of… um… ketchup.

The two different bottles were quite easy to tell apart; the American ketchup had a little tomato on the front, while the Canadian did not. But now, the both have the same design. I have to look a little closer, look for the alternate French writing and the metric system. (Which reminds me, I bought a sweater in the States that says S/CH on the tag — really freaked me out).

I did a bit of googling and found that I am not insane. Canadian and American ketchup clearly tastes different and the Canadian kind is clearly the best. I’ve heard this about Canadian vs. American chocolate before, but I’ve never noticed any difference (other than, of course, them not having Crunchie bars and Aero bars and whatnot down south — and also referring to these rectangular objects clearly made of choclate as “candy bars”).

I looked a little closer at the bottles. The ingredients are a little different and are in a slightly different order, indicated more/less of certain ingredients. The Canadian ketchup is 20 calories while the American is 15. Surprising. But maybe not. They probably use more of it than the average Canadian (though probably not me). The Canadian ketchup also seems to have more carbs and protein while the American has a little bit of Vitamin A. Also, the American ketchup is marked “gluten-free”, which is a good thing that I totally support, but not if it tastes terrible.

Also, speaking of food, damnit, white bread is not the devil! I was on white bread all my life up until, I guess, high school, when my mom switched us all over. Took a little getting used to whole wheat bread, but it was fine and I started to hate white bread. I never did like whole wheat, whole grain, multi-grain, whatever, pizza though. That was pretty gross. And whole grain spaghetti. Yuck! Now I’m back on white because I can’t digest whole wheat stuff properly and I can’t stand to eat whole wheat anymore. I’m just afraid restaurants are going to stop offering white stuff because whole grain is the healthy choice.

Apparently, also, skim milk is not good for me either because it has more lactose in it, but it’s good for the general public because… something? Not sure if I’m lactose intolerant or not, but I guess a lot of people with Crohn’s are. My mom had us on all the healthiest stuff, and now that I have Crohn’s, it’s bad for me. Fruits and vegetables are bad for me too, but I’m not complaining about that. :)