Cool Cherry Cream

The Farm - Part IV

The group arrived at the hotel shortly thereafter. Grace Slick ushered Farmer Glen inside while whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

"Hey! What about us?" Patrick asked.

"Oh, well, you guys can find your way around, can't you?" Grace giggled as she ran off with Farmer Glen. Jada glared at her and began mumbling incoherently about strangling, lollipops, and rifles.

"Well, I don't know about you losers, but I am going exploring!" Alysse said. She surveyed the area until she found what she was looking for. "A-ha!"

"Taaaaaake onnnnn meeeeee!" Patrick sang.

"Take! On me!" Jenny echoed.

Alysse rolled her eyes and them. She then skipped over to a hippie hobo on the street corner. He was playing a craptacular version of a Bob Dylan song, but singing just as well, and he had a dusty old hat in front of him to collect money.

"Hello, sir, and good day!" Alysse said, approaching him cheerfully.

"Peace…" the hippie said, holding up his hand.

"Hey, ah… that's a nice hobo stick ya got there," Alysse said, gesturing behind him.

"It's called a BINDEL! Won't you people ever learn?!?" the hobo cried, but it was too late. Alysse had already darted off, with his hobo hat — and his hobo Hamiltons — in hand.

That's Alexander Hamilton, by the way, who is on the American ten dollar bill. Betcha didn't know that, ya hosers, eh?

Alysse approached the others with a triumphant smile on her face. She held up the hobo hat triumphantly. "I got it!" she announced, triumphantly.

She sat down on the sidewalk and spilled out the contents of the hat and counted.

"Thirty six cents!? What a rip!" Alysse cried.

Huh, whaddaya know? Not a single Hamilton in there. Seeing as, you know, he's on the ten dollar bill, and if there's only thirty six cents… that means there's no ten dollar bill. Unless there was a bill (as in, a bill you have to pay) that amounted to $9.64, and unless Alysse was actually planning on paying that bill, which is highly unlikely. Shyeah!

"Well, no more stealing from hobos for me!" Alysse announced. She took out a pad of paper and crossed out 'stealing from hobos' from the list. "Hmm… that means I should probably cross out 'being a hobo' too," she reasoned, "seeing as they don't make that much money." Alysse sighed and put her "get rich ideas" plan back into her pocket.

"TIIIIIIIMBERRRRRRRR!" came a cry from above. Everyone darted out of the way of the flying projectile, but for one unfortunate soul, not quite in time.

"Owww!" cried Jenny, who was now lying on the ground, crushed by a flying television set, which was now lodged in her stomach. Blood was gushing everywhere — and I mean gushing. There was an awful "spurt spurt" noise, too. I'll just give you a moment to picture this… there.

"JENNY! Are you okay?" Jada asked, running back beside her.

"Uhh… uh… I… I see a light…"

"NO! JENNY! DON'T DIE! JENNY!"

"I think I'm in heaven…"

"WAKE UP JENNY! Jenny, Jenny, wake up, WAKE UP! Jenny! Jenny, wake up! Eros! God, wake up!"

"Keeeeeith…"

"…what?"

A man stuck his head out from a window a few floors up and waved at them, "Sorry 'bout dat, dear gahl! I'll be down in jiff!" he said, grinning. And then he was gone.

"Excuse me!" Alysse yelled, "She should be dead! Why is she still talking?"

"Yeah, shut up, Jenny, you're dead!" Patrick said and kicked her.

"Owww!" Jenny screamed.

Suddenly, Keith Moon emerged from the hotel.

"Step away, step away!" he said, moving everyone aside from the bloody girl, "I've got this aaaall undah control! She'll be just fine! And I should know, I'm a doctah! So take yer clothes off! BWHAHAHAHA!"

"WHAT?!?" everyone cried.

"Oh, err, sorry. I guess dat was a bit inappropriate, considerin' the circumstances. Ehh, right then!" He yanked at the television set and soon enough, it was dislodged from Jenny's stomach.

Jenny stood up and brushed herself off. "Ferris Bueller, you're my hero!" Jenny said to Keith, and threw her arms around his neck.

"No problem, dear gahl!" he said and went back into the hotel.

"Hey, look!" Patrick cried, "it's Crosby Stills Nash and Young!" He pointed to four men sitting on the hotel steps.

"That's Crosby Stills Nash and Young?" Alysse asked, "I thought they were just another group of hobos?"

"Yep, that's Crosby Stills Nash and Young!" Jada said.

"Wow, I can't believe it's Crosby Stills Nash and Young!" Jenny said.

"Hey, have you ever noticed that it takes a long time to say 'Crosby Stills Nash and Young'?" Patrick asked.

"Yes, I certainly did notice it takes a long time to say 'Crosby Stills Nash and Young'," Alysse said, sarcastically.

"I wish there was some way we wouldn't have to say 'Crosby Stills Nash and Young' every time we wanted to refer to them," Jada said.

"Hey! Why don't we just say 'those guys'?" Jenny suggested.

"But what if we wanted to talk about John Paul George and Ringo?" Patrick said.

"…don't go to England," Alysse said.

"Right!" the others agreed. Alysse shook her head at their stupidity.

Just then, Neil Young approached them. "Hey, we heard you guys talking about us," he said, "and we wondered if you would like to play hide and seek?"

"SURE!" Jada said.

"Groovy!" Neil replied, then turned to the rest of his group, grinned, and gave them a thumbs up. "Hey guys, they said yes!" he called. The other three jumped up and clapped and hugged and giggled gleefully. Well, some of them.

"First we need to pick partners," Stills said.

"I GET STEPHEN!" Patrick cried, and grabbed onto him. The others stared at Patrick. "Uhh… because… I can watch him hurt his hand! Yeah!"

"Then I get Graham!" Jenny said, "because he's British!"

"I get Neil!" Jada and Alysse cried at the same time and pulled Neil towards them.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Neil cried, "YOU'RE TEARING ME APART!"

Alysse put her hands on her hips. "I should get Neil because I did a project on him!"

Jada put her hands on her hips. "Well, I should get Neil because… because… well… let's ask Jenny! Yeah!"

Alysse turned to Jenny. "Okay, Jenny. This is your story — who gets Neil?"

Jenny looked back and forth at the two. Then she turned to Alysse. "Ah… I'm sorry, Alysse…"

"Yesss! In your face!" Jada cried and squeezed Neil.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Alysse cried.

"…you're going to have to be stuck with Neil," Jenny finished.

"What?!?!?" Jada cried.

"In your face!" Alysse cried. She glared at Jada. "I believe you have something that belongs to me!" Jada glared back, but let go of Neil.

"Fine!" Jada said, but groaned, "wait! So that means I'm stuck with Crosby? What a RIP!"

Crosby frowned and then began to whimper and sniffle and cry.

"Ah, there there, Crosby!" Alysse said patting him on the back, "Jada's not really that bad…" She pondered for a moment, and then said, "well, actually, I guess she is. Sorry, man".