Cool Cherry Cream

The dream is over!

I've been having strange bad dreams lately. Something something "king of infinite space, if not for the fact that I have bad dreams". There's your Hamlet reference for today.

Anyway, a little while ago, I had this one where my mom or someone who looked like my mom was evil and wanted to kill me, so I was going to stab her leg with a pair of scissors, but then she figured it out and pulled out this tiny gun and shot me through the throat. So then, of course, I woke up, and couldn't get back to sleep.

It happened again today, but a bit more frightening.

Here, I shall start with what else I remember.

Well, I was at some sort of movie thing, and there were a bunch of people in line to get tickets. There were two lines, I was on the one on the left, and then it was finally my turn, so I guess I went and bought a ticket. Anyway, then there was this trunk full of Who CDs and shirts and a matchbook and crayons. I was trying to pick a shirt to buy, even though they were really expensive (huh, reminds me of the Who concert!). Actually, I think they were handing out the shirts from the Who concert, like we'd preordered them, and so then I went up to the guy handing out the shirts and he would hold the shirt up to me to see if it fit, except, I was already wearing the same shirt.

Anyway, I was going through the trunk and I really wanted a Keith Moon shirt. The first one on the pile was Keith Moon shirt, I think the one where he's like "ARGGGH" on the cover of some magazine and playing the drums. But I didn't want that one, so I kept looking. There was another one with this absolutely adorable picture of Pete, and the caption below said something about "Pete like black hoppers just like George of the Jungle". Anyway, I don't think I ever did get a shirt, because next thing I know, I'm outside and I can see the line, but it's also a message board, and I'm editing everyone comments to make them spaced properly or spelt correctly or something. My brother was there and said it was "The Day of the Triffids", which has something to do with that book he's reading for English.

So then I'm on my computer, in my Who folder, and there's a picture of some model girl on a beach. There's two couples farther to the right, so I'm retouching the photo to get rid of them. The first one on the right was already sort of blurred out, but really crappy, but then the picture started moving, like a movie (whoa, moving, movie!). Then I guess it kind of pulled back, and I was making a little sand person town. The Beatles were all in it, well, at least John and George, and they were doing a Monkee-romp to "The Ballad of John and Yoko". I'm assuming they were with Yoko and Pattie, though I think it was someone else. Anyway, I'm building up these tiny little walls, and suddenly, I'm inside the little sand castle world.

There's this mayor guy and this politician who has all these fans and I guess he wants to run for president or something. The mayor guy starts lecturing him and says something about "I'm not going to let you mess up this great state of Iowa!" though it may have been Indiana or Illinois. Then, I'm looking behind these people at the sun, when I realize there's this little black thing in front of it. At first I think it's the moon, but it was a lot smaller than that. Then it starts blowing out this black smoke, like it was a balloon and there was a little hole in it. I guess other people started looking at it too, and then it kept getting closer and closer, and then we realize it was a bomb, because there had been some sort of terrorist threat or something earlier. So we all started running the other way. My last thoughts were "oh God… oh NO!" and then I guess I remembered "Dead Like Me", how your last thoughts are recorded, and then I thought about Pete, and then I thought "well, I have had a pretty good life…" and then I woke up. Or died, I don't know.

But it was really scary.

So then I got to thinking and also listening to my CD player to stop the thinking.

I wish I could have recorded my thoughts, because it would've made a good blog entry, and I wouldn't need to be typing this when I could be looking up things about Hamlet.

Anyway, I'll try to retell my thought process.

Now, why did I run? I was going to die anyways. Why run? Because we humans are stupid and little and meaningless. But mainly we run because we are stupid. Running's not going to save us. We should have just found a nice little corner to sit down die in. How emo does that sound? But it's true. Sit down and take it, because running is doing nothing.

That would be the worst thing. To know you are going to die, and there is nothing you can do about it. My "oh God, oh NO!", there was a LOT of emotion in those four words. The "no" especially, because that was where I realized that this was the terrorist threat that they were talking about. I can't even say the words like I thought them, because it was just so… I don't even know how to describe it.

But to die and not be able to do anything about it. That would be really, truly, awful.

But, to die, to sleep… to sleep, perchance, to dream…

No, I'm done with the Hamlet references, I say!

But to die and be okay with it. That's why I'm so afraid of death. Ohh boy, I thought about it a lot today, and it's not even 8:00. And these thoughts really really scared me.

But to not be afraid of death, you need to be always doing in life what you want to. Because I can seriously see one of my final thoughts being something like "oh no, I forgot to unplug the iron!"

Well, obviously not that, seeing as I don't iron. But something trivial like that. Well, actually, leaving the iron in could be a bad thing for other people. But no, I mean, something like "shit, and I never got to finish sorting my files!"

Because I do things like that, sorting my files, so often, and for no reason.

I need to start doing things I want to do all the time. All the time. People who do what they want to do in life aren't afraid of death, are they? They're okay with it. It's inevitable, so it's a stupid thing to fear.

Anyway, enough of that.

So, I'll try to remember some of the songs I listened to and what I was thinking. It was my "night" CD, so it's all slow songs.

I was listening to "Stairway to Heaven" and at the beginning I was thinking "hmm, this reminds me of… something… hmm… Lord of the Rings!… oh wait…". Seriously though, those people should have totally gotten Led Zeppelin to score their movie. How awesome would that be? Man.

Also, "Thank You" totally belongs on Led Zeppelin III, not II.

I listened to "One Life's Enough For Me" (wait, is it supposed to be capitalized like that? doesn't look right…), and oh, another thing that makes for a fangirlish song is Roger's "mmmm". However, then I got to thinking that I am interpreting the song completely and totally wrong. Because it can't mean that! Oh god, so what does it mean? Okay, but I'll pretend it does mean that, because that makes it better.

"Smile" by The Monkees came on, and I knew all the words for the first two verses, but it took me that long to remember what it was called. It's been a long time.

Which brings me to "Long Long Long". Which is so right. Because it's been a long, long, long time. Sorry George. I still love you. Don't I? George's voice is just so George. No one has a voice like George. Also, the end part has always reminded me of a sinking pirate ship.

Which brings me back to "One Life's…". You can totally replace the title with "a pirate's life for me". He sounds like a pirate singing it. I mean, not like a pirate like a pirate's voice, but something about the melody or something really reminds me of that song!

I skipped over most of John (Lennon)'s songs, because he has a rather haunting voice (which isn't a bad thing, Johnny! You have a wonderful voice, so stop complaining!) and I didn't need that right now. But I listened to "God", which I usually wouldn't listen to anyway. Not that it's a bad song or anything, but not one of my favourites. And when he said "the dream is over", well, that put a smile on my face. Aww, thanks for the comfort, Johnny.

But also, I wanted to figure out what he was saying. I mean, "come on, isn't it obvious?". But it can't be obvious, there's something else. I've always been awful at interpreting things. But I mean, interpreting books and songs is the same thing! I was able to interpret "Real Good Looking Boy"! But well, that was pretty obvious, though apparently not for some people. Also, "Lola"! And ruin it for several people in the process.

But I mean, English and Music. Same thing, right?

Also, I was listening to the drums on "Stairway", and they don't seem too hard to learn how to play… but I mean, it's John Bonham, so it must be? Also, Keith's drumming in "Fortune Teller" sounded pretty good to me, though maybe that's just because he was hitting the cymbal a lot, which always makes it sound good.

I got to thinking ("'bout you again…") about why I play the drums. Keith, obviously. Then I thought about in Ausin Powers II, when Felicity is like "I thought I wanted to be you but… I wanted to be with you…". And I'm like, is that me? (for a moment?). But then I thought, well, first of all, I kind of can't (and not just Keith, I mean), and also, it's kind of umm… not… right… so then, I'm back at "being you", which means a musician. So hey, I want to be a musician? Okay.

Anyway, I really need to start getting ready for school. Which is not something I want to do, but sometimes it's necessary. However, one thing I am not going to do is worry about exams, because that is not necessary and not something I want to do. So there.