Cool Cherry Cream

The Farm - Part VI

"Hey, stupid! This is a public road!" yelled Peter Tork as Neil Young and Alysse fell out of the hotel window and in front of his car. "Stupid hippies…" he mumbled and sped off.

"Guys! Over here!" called Stephen Stills, retreating from his hiding place.

"Listen, Stephen!" Alysse told him, "you've got to help us find somewhere to hide! Pete Townshend wants to kill us!"

"What? Why?" Stephen asked.

"I think you mean Who," Alysse corrected him.

"Well, come on! We don't want this to turn into 'Kill Neil: Volume 1'!" Stephen said.

"Umm, wouldn't 'Kill Stills: Volume 1' be funnier?" Alysse asked.

"Yeah, I suppose it would be for you, wouldn't it?" Stephen replied sarcastically.

"Wait, Stephen… where's Patrick?" Neil asked.

"I think he said something about going to a Davy Jones concert," Stephen replied. "Anyway, we have to get out of here before Pete finds you guys!"

"I thought we were hiding from Jenny and Graham?" Neil asked.

"Who's talking about us?" Jenny asked as she and Graham Nash approached the group.

"Hey! No fair! We didn't have time to hide!" Alysse pouted.

"Wait, I thought we were on Mars?" Graham asked.

"That was just a sound stage," Jenny said.

"What do you mean?" Neil asked.

"Oh, haven't you heard? You know the moon landing last month? That was just a sound stage. It was like… like 'War of the Worlds'! They played it like it was real, but it really was just for your entertainment! Oh, and to get lots of your money. It was all a big government conspiracy, that's all!"

"Whoa! Really?"

"Yeah, really!"

"Far out…"

Little did they know, some smelly hippies had overheard this conversation and soon enough, this as of yet widely unknown theory would become, well… widely known. All thanks to the little girl who ended Woodstock.

"Come on, we still have to find Jada and David. And hey, where's my brother?" Jenny asked.

Stephen pointed in the direction Patrick had run away. "I think he went that wa — OWW!"

"MWHAHAHA!" Patrick yelled as he jumped out from behind a tree. He held a chainsaw above his head. "NOW I'LL GET YOU!" he screamed, lunging at Stephen's hand.

"AHHH!" Stephen yelled, "save me, Neil!" He cowered behind his friend as everyone else tried to hold Patrick back.

"DANG NAMIT!" Patrick cried, after he had been pinned to the ground, "almost cut his finger! Can't I just cut off a teeny bit? Just an inch?" he asked.

"No way!" Stephen replied, "I'm not givin' in an inch to fear!"

"Aww…" Patrick groaned, "come on, guys! Let me up!"

"Only if you promise to play nice!" Graham warned him, "that means no more trying to hurt Stephen's hand!" Patrick grumbled, but nodded, and they let go of him.

"Alright. Now, we still have to find Jada and David!" Jenny said, "let's go get 'em!"

They trudged along — trudge, trudge, trudge — in search of the two remaining members of their family of friends. They heard a voice:

"Anywhere. Well, that joke's finished. Ta!"

"Oh no! It's Pete!" Alysse whispered. She grabbed Neil and they hid behind the rest of the group.

"'Ello," Pete said as he waved at the group. Alysse held her breath and… Pete passed them by without noticing the money thieves. Phew!

"We found you! We win!" Jenny yelled, "yee haw!" She and Graham started dancing around and singing "We Are The Champions".

Jada scoffed at their song. "Far too mechanical! Rhythmically wrong! I'll teach you to sing another song!" she said, "we start with a simple rhythm, as so! Cch cch cch! Cch cch cch! Come on everybody, join in!"

"Cch cch cch! Cch cch cch!" everybody sang, and soon enough, they were all doing the Beaver Call.

"Hey," David Crosby said suddenly, "doesn't it alarm anyone that this story is called 'The Farm' and we haven't actually been on 'The Farm' since four parts ago?"

Everyone looked at David strangely, but continued with their song and dance.

"Wait! Guys, where's Glenny? He's been gone for so long… do you think he'll ever come home?" Jada asked.

"Come on, let's go out of our way to see if we can find him!" Jenny suggested.

"Awesome!" Jada said.

"See you guys later!" Alysse said to CSNY as The Farmhands went back to the hotel, in search of the leader of their band.

Meanwhile…

"RMRMRMFFULUMRMMFUL" a voice came from the closet.

Grace Slick opened the closet door. It was Farmer Glen, tied to a chair. She removed his gag.

"Where am I? Whoooo aaaaare yooooou?" Glen demanded.

"IIIIiiiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii AaaAAAaAaammm WOOOOOmaaaaan," she told him. She handed him an apple. "Here, take a bite. It will make everything all better," she said, and Glen took a bite of the apple.

CHOMP!

"Now, Glennard, daaahling. I'm sorry I had to do this to you. But you simply must not get in the way of my evil plans! Mwahaha! Ha ha ha, ho ho ho ho ho! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Not so fast!" yelled The Farmhands as they broke down the hotel room door.

"Whaaaaa?" Grace cried. She quickly shoved the gag back into Farmer Glen's mouth.

"Now, you listen here, Grace Slick!" Jada cried as she grabbed Grace's shirt, "you get your slimy hands off Farmer Glen…! Ooh, an apple!" Jada grabbed the apple and took a bite. "Yum yum! A healthy, nutritious snack!"

"Eww!" Jenny cried, as she recoiled in fear.

"Stupid children!" Alysse said, "we're here to save Farmer Glen! Come on Patrick, you distract Grace and I'll untie him!"

"Right!" said Patrick. He ran over to Grace. "Hey, Miss Slick! I've written this really great song, and I think it would do wonders for your career. It really has to be the greatest rock song ever written!"

"Oh, really?" Grace asked, "tell me about it!"

"Well, it's called 'We Built This City'…"

"Hey, Farmer Glen, is that a new outfit?" Jada asked. "Lookin' good!"

"MMMMMM!" Glen mumbled angrily.

"Say, umm… did you see the new 'Seinfeld' episode last night?" she asked. Jenny rolled her eyes.

"MMMMMM!" Glen mumbled again.

"Oh, the gag, right!" Jada chuckled as she helped Alysse untie Farmer Glen.

"There's enough gags in this story already!" remarked Jenny.