Cool Cherry Cream

"Welcome, Officer Jenny, Officer Jada. Someone has been kidnapping disco balls at the 'Skatetown Disco'. Your mission is simple; find the perp."

"Yes sir, sergeant sir!"

Jenny and Jada tralalaed to the disco.

"What a crappy sign!" Jada remarked as they approached the entrance.

"Crappy, very crappy indeed," Jenny agreed. "Now, let's move in!"

"Whoa, hold it!" said the bouncer, "you can't come in here."

"And why the hell not!?" asked Jada, menacingly.

"You guys are cops," the bouncer said flatly.

"What? We aren't cops!" Jenny cried, confused. She nudged Jada and asked, "how did he know?"

The bouncer coughed and looked pointedly at their uniforms.

"Ohh, heh heh… right…" Jenny giggled.

"You aren't welcome here," the bouncer told them.

"GO HOME, PIGS!" yelled the crowd waiting outside.

"YEAH, PIGS! GO HOME! OINK-OINK!"

"Shucks!" said Jada. "I guess we'll need disguises."

"Pfft, been there, done that!" said Jenny, "we need a new plan — sneak in!"

"Fine!" Jada said to the bouncer, "we don't need your stinkin' club anyway!"

"Wait wait, hold it!" came a voice from inside the disco. "They're with me!"

"Wow, it seems that every time a new main character is introduced, they are first described as just 'a voice'!" Jenny mused, "it's like the author thinks they're creating suspense or something, but it's always *so* obvious who it is…"

"Who is that masked man?" wondered Jada as the two officers were led inside the club by the mysterious man.

"Why, it's none other than I… Steve!" he revealed.

"Steve!" they both cried incredulously, "we're saved!"

"Eyyyy, cool it!" Steve said, "you guys don't blend in with the crowd here very well, know what I'm sayin'? We need to get you girls some disguises!"

Jada smacked Jenny on the eyebrow. "THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"No, we blend in just fine. We're from The Village People!" Jenny explained. The crowd around them oohed and aahed as they suddenly recognized the two and began to gather around the celebrities, but quickly lost interest when they realized that they were only girls.

"Now then, how can I help you?" Steve asked.

"We're investigating a disco ball kidnapper," Jada told him.

"Oh yes, the famous disco ball kidnapper," Steve remarked and scratched his chin, "I may be of some assistance."

Steve led them down a long dark hallway which eventually brought them to the basement. He bent down and started feeling the floor until he found what he was looking for.

"A-ha!" he cried, "we are now standing directly above the disco ball in the main hall."

"Umm… I thought we were in the basement?" Jenny asked.

"Shut up Jenny, no one asked you!" Jada cried and smacked Jenny.

"Dammit, that was my good eyebrow!" Jenny groaned.

"If someone wanted to steal the disco ball, this is where they would do it!" Steve informed them.

"You're amazing, Steve, thanks for all your help!" the girls said.

"Can you take care of it from here?" Steve asked.

"Sure can!" Jada grinned.

"Well, I'll leave you to it. Nice meeting you!"

"Nice meeting you, too!" Steve skipped off into the distance.

"Now then, we have to set up a booby trap. First, we'll need a lot of Jello…" Steve spun around.

"Hold up, you aren't making a mess of Jello-y goodness in my disco!"

"Well excuuuuse me, but let's see you come up with a better plan!" Jenny sneered.

Thirteen point four seconds later, Steve had constructed an intricate booby trap that was sure to catch the kidnapper, and I can't even explain how awesome and intricate it was because it was just simply indescribable, so just pretend like there's a big amazing description here about this amazing thing, for it truly was amazing.

"Done!" Steve announced, brushing himself off.

"Wow, great job!" Jada exclaimed.

"Now, do you need me to help you guys find a hide-out spot?" Steve asked.

"No no, we can do it on our own!" Jenny said, pushing him aside. She began scoping out the area and searching under pebbles.

Steve sighed. "Looks like that's a 'yes'. You guys can hide in that box over there. It's right in line with the disco ball and you'll have a perfect view of all exits."

"Hey, great job, Officer Jada!" Jenny said.

"Thank you, thank you!" Jada took a bow, "please, no autographs!"

"Hey! You're supposed to tell me great job!"

"Oh, right. Great job, Officer Lose — I mean, Jenny!"

"Why, thank you, Officer Jada!"

"Now, to set the plan in motion!"

All three jumped into the box and waited. Suddenly, a noise came from the dark hallway.

"That must be him!" Jada whispered.

"SHH!" Jenny shushed.

The figure approached the exact spot that Steve had identified earlier and began using a screwdriver to remove the disco ball. Just as he was about to retreat with his spherical hostage, the officers jumped out of the box.

"HOLD IT, PUNK! PUT 'EM UP!"

The figure, startled, dropped the disco ball and it broke into a jillion pieces. The officers reacted quickly.

"Cuff 'em, Jada!" Jenny cried.

"Is the hostage okay?" Jada asked as she took the perp into custody.

Jenny knelt down and examined the crime scene. After a few moments of silence, she spoke. "We were too late…"

"NOOOOOO!" Steve cried. He fell to his knees and began sobbing uncontrollably.

"Hey, what's this?" Jenny asked. She began sifting through the broken pieces. "There appears to be some sort of non-disco-ball-appearing-to-be substance here." She dipped her finger into the white powdery substance and sniffed it. "Why, this isn't disco ball fluid at all! It's… DRUG!"

"Drug?" Jada asked incredulously. "All right, we want an explanation, and we want one now!"

"Oh, I confess, it was me! I did it all!"

"GASP! STEVE!" the girls whirled around.

"I'm sorry, please! The illicit drug dealing business was just sooo tempting… I can't go to jail! I'm too beautiful to go to jail! Please, don't send me to jail!"

"Uh buh wuh…?" Jenny asked.

"I put drug in the disco ball, I confess. I'm sorry! That's worth something, right?"

"Yes, but now explain the kidnapping of an innocent disco ball… You can't, can you? You monster," Jada said, disgusted.

"I — I never stole the disco ball. It was that guy! He wanted my drug!"

"All right, mister. You're coming with us to the station."

"What? Why? I didn't know about the drug, it was all Steve's doing! I'm innocent!"

"Yeah yeah, keep talking, mister. That stuff that's coming out your mouth right now will come back and bite you in the ass later."

"Don't you mean 'anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law'?" the kidnapper asked.

"Right, whatever."

Later…

"All right, boss. We found the disco ball kidnapper," Jenny announced.

"Good job, officers," Officer Glen said, "bring him in."

Jada and the kidnapper entered the room.

"Now then, where are the drugs?" Officer Glen asked.

"Steve's taking care of them," Jenny explained.

"Steve? We have no Officer Steve on this police force!"

"No no, the owner of the disco, Steve."

"What!? That's who you were supposed to arrest, you dimwits!" Officer Glen roared.

"But you told us to get the disco ball kidnapper!"

"Disco ball kidnapper? Who would want to kidnap a disco ball?" Glen asked. The perp raised his hand. "What the hell would you want a disco ball for?"

"Well, I — "

"Actually, I don't want to know. Ugh! Sicko!"

"Well, that wraps up another case for Officers J&J! High five!" Jada cried.

"Technically, this was only our first case," Jenny explained, "but I'll take the high five. Excellent!"

"'Excellent?' You failed!" Glen roared.

"Come on, let's go get some donuts!" Jada suggested.