Cool Cherry Cream

People running 'round, it's five o'clock

What? Five in the morning? ZOMG.

I feel like I should write just because I've stayed up this late without an actual purpose.

I got an email from Robert Platt. Yeah, read it again. I was disappointed too. He wants me to lose weight. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Oh. Another email. This one's from Phil Collen. It says "turn off your bloody light, it's five in the morning!".

Well, I never! Wait, what? How does Phil Collen know that my light's on? Hey, hold up, who's this person throwing rocks at my window? Why, is that…? Yes, yes it is! It's Phil Collen! What are you doing here, Phil? …throwing rocks at my window. Thanks. Is that even an answer? Oh wait, you wouldn't get that. I haven't made the post explaining that in-joke yet. Ha ha. Well, at least I can still laugh at it.

So, since when have you been outside my window? And why are you outside my window?

"Well, you see, my shirt, uh… shrunk, yeah!… and now I can't get it off, and since I figured Canada is a cold place, I could come here and my shirt would come in handy, but I never accounted for it being Ju August, so it's actually still pretty hot and I still need my shirt off."

Actually, Phil, it's night time, you see, and it does get cold at night in Canada, even in Ju August. You might want to keep your shirt on just in case.

"Err, well… you see… I got this really neat temporary tattoo from a vending machine and I thought, hey, this would look great on my chest!… so could you help me remove my shirt so I can apply the tattoo?"

Wait, how did your shirt get stuck on you anyway?

"I already told you, it shrunk in the wash."

Then how did you put it on in the first place?

"Well, umm, actually, I don't quite remember…"

Oh. You know, temporary tattoos often have very harmful chemicals in them, Phillip.

"Gee, I didn't know that. But I still think I should take my shirt off."

Umm… might I ask why, considering all the above evidence I have presented against your case?

"It's uh… cutting off my circulation! Yes! Ohh! Oh dear! Gaaaah — !"

Don't be silly, Phillip. You have no circulation.

"…Umm, what?"

Ya heard me.

"Err… aren't you going to back up that claim?"

No. Now then, what were we discussing?

"I was just saying, uh… that I want to go swimming! Yeah! I just wanna get soaking wet and all that, y'know?"

There's no beach around here… And well, you wouldn't want to go swimming downtown. The lake's probably filled with garbage and acid and stuff.

"Ohh… wait, you mean like shirt-dissolving acid?"

Well, I don't know about that, but –

"Right, see ya!"

Hey! What? No! Acid is bad!

"Narc!"

Huh, what? No, I didn't mean like th — but I mean that, too! — But… ahh… he's gone. Oh well. Guess it's time to go to sleep.

…

Gosh darn it, who is it this time? I swear, Viv, if that's you again… we've been through this already!