"Amanda… Carrie Anne… Layla… Lola… why aren't there any songs about me, Robert?"
"There are. What about that phone number song?"
"Pfft, I mean by a good band!"
"Well, I dunno."
"Hey! You should write a song about me! Yeeaah!"
Robert rolled his eyes, "yeah, sure."
"Well, why not?" I asked.
"Uh… I don't have any instruments."
I grinned, "hooold on!" I scurried off and came back carrying a small keyboard.
Without glancing up from his newspaper, Robert said, "put the keyboard away."
I frowned, "fiiine!" I put the keyboard back and returned to the room. "Is there anything else you'd like me to do, oh master?"
"Well, you could sq –"
"On second thought… never mind." Robert shrugged. We sat silently for a few moments before I spoke again, "sooo… do you know any songs about me?"
Robert put down his newspaper and sighed. "Now, Jenny. Yes, there are songs with your name in them, one of which I've already mentioned. But a song about you, by a 'good band' is just not possible."
I pouted. "Why not?"
"Do you know any 'good bands'?"
"Yeah! Lots! Like The Rolling Stones and The Who and — "
"No, I mean personally?"
"Weeell… I know you, Robert! Tee hee!"
Robert rolled his eyes. "I'm just a figment of your imagination, you don't really know me."
"Aww… well, thanks for ruining my fun!"
"Any time." Robert returned to his newspaper. I glared at him. Silence again.
"Hey, do you think 'I Saw Her Standing There' could be about me?" I asked.
"Why?"
"Well, it's about a her and I'm a her, and… I'm seventeen… and… I… can… stand?"
"No."
"Well, what about 'North Country Girl'?"
"No."
"'Jamie's Cryin"?"
"Your name's not Jamie."
"Maybe he just forgot my name."
"No."
"'Good Vibrations'?"
"No."
"'Love In An Elevator'?"
"Have you ever been in an elevator with Steven Tyler?"
"Maaaybe…" I said slyly. Robert gave me a look. "Well… no…"
"…'Hello, I Love You?'"
"No."
"'Tall Cool One'?"
"No."
"Are you suuure?" I grinned.
"Absolutely sure."
"Well, good! I wouldn't want a stupid song like that about me!"
"Hey!"
""Lighten up', Bobby," I laughed.
"Hey, what did I tell you about — "
"Sorry, Robert! …boy, I wish there was a song about me… just one song… any song…"
In another incarnation…
"So then he says, 'hang on, I've got a fish in the closet, let me go get it!' and — "
"Oh no."
"Wot?"
"Look who it is."
"Not — !"
"Yeah."
"Bloody 'ell."
"'Ello daaaaaahlings! How are you? Jimmy dear, how are you? Here, hold my umbrella. Boy is it ever pouring out there, I tell ya, I — Bonzo! There you are! Say, do you like my new hat? It was very expensive you know, and it reminded me of you so — "
"Umm… Jenny…"
"Yes, Bobby, honey?"
Robert coughed. "There's uh, there's no room at this table."
"Oh, nonsense! I'll just sit right here!" she said, plopping herself down on Robert's lap. "Say, you know, who I just saw outside? — "
"Jenny."
"Hmm?"
"We were just leaving."
"Ohh, well, I'll come with you, then! You know, it used to be that — "
"No, uh… you can't come."
"Huh? Oh, well, what are you doing later, Bobby? You know, we could get together and — "
"I don't think so."
"Well, why the hell not?!" she said through gritted teeth.
"I'm really busy."
"Fine!" she said haughtily. "If you're not careful, you're going to lose me! Hmm!" She turned and stomped off.
The guys rolled their eyes. "Phew!"
"Hey, who was that?" asked one of the other girls at the table.
"No one. She's just a woman."