Time to reflect. It seems these posts come along much too often. They technically should stop by the end of this year, as by then, I need to know what I'm going to do with my life.
I'm still torn. It's the curse of the balanced brain. I always thought I was a left brain, but things change, and I'm sort of in the middle. Really good at both math and art, but also terrible at both at the same time. I just don't fit anywhere.
Is there anyone else like me? I'm not going to be cliché and say how "everyone else has it all figured out!" because I know most people are just as confused as I am. But at least other people have some idea where they fit, on the right or left. I'm in the middle, and that just doesn't work. It's not possible.
I think Computer Science would be more challenging than Graphic Design, and that's good. But I don't want it that much more challenging, that I have to take the "hard math" and sciences! I just want a little challenge, enough of a challenge that it takes some time to figure out, but I want to know I'll always be able to do it.
I know, I know. That's not really a good way to look of it. I'm not really challenging myself if I want just a "little" challenge.
In Law, we've been talking a lot about affirmative action lately. I think it's bullshit, but if it helps me get into a computer science program or to get a computer science scholarship because I'm a girl, I'm not going to fight against it.
I've always liked problem solving and riddles and figuring things out and stuff, and that goes along with computer science. But I mean, I don't think I'm really good at that kind of stuff, but I enjoy it. Again, I want both.
Computer science has its pros and cons. What does graphic design have?
Well, a girl graphic designer isn't anything special, that's for sure, and I like to be special. I'm trying, but I just can't think of why I like design right now. I mean, it's paying attention to detail, and making sure that each box is four pixels apart rather than five, and I like that, and I like making things pretty. But… I don't know why I want art other than that. Because it's easy? I mean, I enjoy it… but I don't know why.
So it seems the census for today is computer science.
Except, I didn't take science or hard math, and computer science is mostly an unavailable option.
Fuck. What am I going to do?