Cool Cherry Cream

Five's Company

I got a reply to the roommate ad, finally. It was from a nice girl named Alex. Well, I mean, she seems nice. You see, I haven't actually met her yet. She's moving in today since I'm really behind on rent, so I'll take whoever I can get. Alex tells me she has three other friends who are looking for a place too, so I said sure, bring 'em on over! The more the merrier, right?

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

The doorbell rang. I opened it to find a man wearing sunglasses and overalls: the electrician I'd hired to fix the faulty light switch in the other bedroom. I was relieved he'd arrived before Alex and her friends.

"Jenny?" he asked.

I nodded and motioned for him to follow me. "The bedroom's this way".

The electrician shrugged. "If you insist…"

"The light hasn't been working since last week and — "

"That's not a problem."

"Well, that's good to hear! Now, if you just push it in and — "

"Err, yeah, I know how to do it."

"You're right, I'm sorry! I don't really need to tell you how to do your job, do I?"

A noise came from outside the front door.

"That's the other guys," the electrician explained.

"Are they coming too?"

"Uhh, we don't really, uh, do that…"

"Oh. Umm… okay…" I said. "Then what'll they be doing while you fix the light?"

"The… what?"

"The faulty light switch."

"I uh…" the electrician scratched his head. "Umm, you are Jenny, right? With the newspaper ad?"

"Err, yes, but… who are you?"

"Sorry, I guess I should've introduced myself; I'm Alex."

I laughed. "No, I… there was a girl who… wait, Alex? As in 'Alexander'? Oh… I - I didn't realize…"

"Then who did you think I was?"

"Ohh, I thought you were the electrician! I'm really — wait… what did you think I was talking about?"

"Heh… umm…" he looked down and shuffled his feet.

"Oh. I see…"

"Soo, I'll take that as a 'no'…?"

I opened the door to let the others inside. Alex quickly introduced me to his brother Eddie and his friends Dave and Mike.

"You guys are my new roommates?" I asked. I put my hands in my head, "oh no! Mr. Roper is not going to like this, not one bit…"

The doorbell rang. It was the Ropers. How convenient.

"Alright, Jenny!" Mr. Roper warned, "I know I said I'd give you another day, but this is really getting out of — " He stopped when he noticed the four boys.

"You must be Mr. Roper!" said Dave, grabbing the landlord's hand, "nice to meet you!".

"Well, hello!" Mrs. Roper said, looking the boys up and down.

Mr. Roper rolled his eyes. "Control yourself, Helen." He turned to me and jerked his head in the direction of the guys. "Who're they?" he asked suspiciously, "and what are they doing in my apartment?".

"Why, we're your new tenants!" Eddie announced, proudly.

"You w-w-whaaaa?" Mr. Roper sputtered, taken aback. He stared at me in shock for a moment, but shook his head, regained his composure, and said loudly, "Now I know you've been having trouble finding a roommate, but my rule still stands: no co-ed apartments!"

I knew I had to think fast. These four weren't exactly what I was looking for, but they'd have to do for a little while if I wanted to keep the apartment! Desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. And times were certainly desperate. As I glanced at the boys, I had an idea.

"Mr. Roper… can I talk to you?" I asked, pulling him to stage right.

"Now, I understand your problem, but absolutely, under no circumstances, am I going to let any kind of hanky panky go on in this building!"

Mrs. Roper rolled her eyes. "That's for sure."

"Mr. Roper, listen, you don't have to worry about that! They aren't interested in me."

"I know what you mean," Mrs. Roper commented, dryly.

Mr. Roper shook his head knowingly. "Jenny… you're a nice girl — and not that there's anything wrong with that! — but sometimes… well…" he sighed, "it's about time that you learned how this world works. You need to understand that all members of the male species, no matter how much they try to deny it, have one thing and one thing only on their minds!"

Mrs. Roper scoffed. "I wouldn't say 'all', Stanley."

Mr. Roper shot Mrs. Roper a look, but continued on with his speech. "Sure, these boys might say they want to be your friend, but the second you have your back turned — !"

"Well, there are other ways, too," Mrs. Roper added.

I shook my head. "No, Mr. Roper… I mean, they're not just not interested in me… they're not interested in… girls," I whispered.

Mr. Roper looked at me blankly, then as he began to fully comprehend what had been implied, his eyes widened. "You mean…?"

I nodded.

"…Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded.

Mr. Roper took a deep breath and glanced at the boys. "Well," he chuckled, after a moment of consideration, "with outfits like that, it's no wonder!"

My plan had worked! "You see, Mr. Roper? There's nothing to worry about!"

Mr. Roper frowned, suddenly realizing a different dilemma. "Wait, you mean… all of them? They're not… they don't… do they?" Mr. Roper looked horrified.

"No, no! Not at all! They're… brothers". Well, it wasn't completely a lie.

"Runs in the family, eh?" he commented.

Mr. Roper considered the situation for a moment. He then smiled and began extending his hand to Dave before reconsidering and holding out his hand to me instead. "Congratulations, Jenny. It looks like you've found yourself some new roommates!" We all cheered. "I'll leave you and the fairy foursome to get settled in, eh heh heh heh…" he chuckled and left.

"What do you suppose he meant by that?" Eddie asked, puzzled.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," I assured him, "that's just Mr. Roper for you."

"Hmm…" Dave peeked into the bedrooms, "you know, this room here looks mighty small. I think we oughta just move the one bed out of it and I'll share one with you, heh heh…"

"Don't count on it," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Shall we pick rooms now, then?" Mike asked.

"Alright, but how should we do it?" I asked.

"I can think of a few ways…"

"How about rock, paper, scissors?" I suggested, earnestly. Dave caught Eddie's eye and sent him a defiant look. Eddie nodded and approached him coolly.

"Alright, ready?" I asked, looking to the two contenders for approval, "throw on three! One… two… three!"

Rock… and… paper!

Eddie turned to his brother and grinned. "C'mon Al, let's go check out our new room." Dave slumped down on the couch, defeated.

"Bunk beds! Excellent!" Alex cried, running into the bedroom, "I call top bunk!"

"No way!" Eddie yelled, running after him, "I get top bunk!"

"I'm older, so I pick first, and I pick the top bunk!"

"Wait, hold on. I'll settle this," Eddie said. He peeked out of the room. "Jenny… would you like to be on top or bottom?"

I rolled my eyes. "Come on," I said, "let's get your stuff inside."

Shortly after the bags and cases had been brought into the apartment, Dave sulked off to his bedroom.

"So, you guys are a band, huh?" I commented to the three who had remained in the living room.

"Yeah," Alex replied, "Eddie plays guitar, Mike's on bass, Dave's the singer, and I'm the drummer".

"Hey, that's cool! I've always wanted to learn to play the drums," I said.

"I've got my drum set, I could probably teach you."

"Wow! You mean, like, right now?"

"Sure! Why put it off another day?" Alex shrugged.

"Oh, hang on; I've been awfully rude. Are you guys hungry? I think there's some ice cream in the fridge if anybody wants some," I said.

"Sure, that'd be great," Eddie said.

"I want some too!" said Mike.

"How 'bout you?" I asked Alex.

"Nah…" Alex waved his hand, "PUNCHLINE!" he said. We all laughed heartily along with the studio audience, then Alex and I were off to play drums.

Shortly thereafter, Dave re-entered the living room and sat down on the couch. "Hey, where'd Jen and Al go?" he asked.

"They're banging away in the bedroom," Eddie informed him.

"Ah, okaaa — wait, whaaaa?"

"Yeah, Jenny wanted to learn, so Alex said he'd teach her how to do it."

"B-b-but… won't Mr. Roper hear them? He's right downstairs!" Dave said, jumping to his feet.

"Yeah, Alex can get pretty loud," Mike noted, "I mean," he laughed, "we all know, we've all played with him." He and Eddie exchanged knowing nods. Dave stared at them, speechless.

"What's wrong, Dave?" Eddie asked.

"So y-you're… you're just gonna let him?" he sputtered.

"Well, why not? It's not like you could teach her," Eddie and Michael chuckled.

"Oh yeah? I'll show you!" Dave said, approaching the bedroom.

"You're pretty good, you sure you've never done this before?" Alex's voice came from the other room.

"Really? I thought I sucked pretty bad."

"No, not at all! But let me show you something. You don't want to hold it so tight."

"Like this?"

"Yeah, you've got it! Then just move it back and forth… get a feel for it, yeah."

"It's too hard!"

"Come on, you've just got to get a rhythm going and — oh, hey Dave."

Dave paused after his eruption through the doorway, confused. "I — you — uh!… What are you doing?"

"Alex is teaching me how to play drums."

Dave looked around suspiciously. "Oh, really?" he said, surveying the room for any incriminating evidence.

"Yep!"

"Ohh really! Then what are these!?" Dave cried, thrusting an object into Alex's face.

"They're Mentos," Alex said, calmly.

"Mentos, eh?"

"Umm yeah… is that a problem?"

"Is that a problem?" Dave echoed through gritted teeth. "So, what? You think you can just eat one of these and get away with anything?"

"Well, actually — "

"Hey guys," Eddie said, peeking into the room, "is there a problem?"

"Beat it, Eddie!"

"Now Dave," Alex said, "I don't know what you're trying to do, but there's nothing going on here, so I would appreciate it if you would leave us alone so I can teach her how to play drums."

Dave looked at us suspiciously for a moment, but surrendered. "Alright, alright. Fine. I'll leave you two… alone… in the bedroom… to play… 'drums'…"

"Thank you," Alex replied, coldly. "Sorry about that," he apologized as Dave left, "now then, where were we?"

"Umm, you were going to show me your paradiddle."

BA DUM CSSSSSSHH!