Learn to live like an animal
If I could be any animal, I would be a duck. Ducks are versatile creatures; they can travel on land, in water, and through the air. They are also small and harmless enough that they are able to walk among humans without being noticed. However, they can also use their sharp beaks to attack if provoked.
Humans — and especially human children — like to feed ducks, so these creatures can have a nice balanced diet of grass, insects, human food, and human children, if they are so inclined.
Ducks also have their fair share of celebrities, including Daffy, Daisy, and Donald Duck, as well as their own NHL hockey team. Ducks have also been immortalized by humans in the landmark anthem "Disco Duck".
Returning to the duck's habitat, their adaptability makes them prime candidates for world domination. Ducks are not such a rare or outlandish animal that their appearance would be so out of the ordinary as to cause alarm, and if they put their plan into motion gradually enough, they could certainly succeed.
Another special feature is the call of the duck: QUACK. There are few words in the English language that begin with the letter "Q" and the duck's call has no doubt some in handy for the Quentin's and Queenie's of the world who were forced to consult the dictionary in search of obscure "Q" adjectives whilst doing acrostics of their name. Despite the "crazy" connotation of the word, it is certainly a more believable choice for a second grader than "qualified" or "quixotic" and more original than the old cop-outs "quick" and "quiet". Honestly, how many Quentins and Queenies really are quick? It's much more likely that such a lame word choice came about only as a way to finish the assignment in order to be permitted to leave for recess. The education system is discriminating against these poor, defenseless, unfortunately-named children and forcing them into pretending to be something they aren't! Obviously, these traumatic childhood experiences will lead the "Q" children to become quacks later in life. And that is the explanation for the abnormally high enrollment of people whose names begin with "Q" in our country's psychiatric hospitals today.
You know, after reading this quirky yet quintessential addition to your blog, I find you to be quite quotable and quasi-quaint. Almost like that quivering feeling you get when waiting in a queue to fill out a questionnaire.
… quadruplets!