We watched “The Notebook” in Creative Writing for Valentine’s Day and also on Friday, which my teacher declared Anti-Valentine’s Day. Don’t know how that works out, but whatever.
She had originally told us we would be writing love letters to the future loves of our lives on Thursday, which of course no one was looking forward to. But once I got to thinking about what kind of bullshit I could make up this time, I had a nice little storyline going on. It would start off with “Dear David Lee Roth whoever you are” and then I was going to talk about what I imagine this person would be like. They are of course expected to know who David Lee Roth is and they are expected to let me run away with him for a little while if the opportunity so arises. And then of course, they must know something about computers. Not much more than me, and not much less. And I went on and on, about how amazing and wonderful this person is.
Of course, I must always have some way to wrap it up, some sort of ending that makes it worth it to have written it. So, I was going to come to the sudden realization that the love of my life is… me! Genius, innit? Yes, I know I am.
Alas, this never happened, so I will write instead about what did. I’d like to give you a rundown of the plot of “The Notebook”, but it’s just so complex that I don’t know for sure that I can, but I’ll try. Here goes: Girl meets boy. Girl hates boy. Girl loves boy. The end.
Hey, look at that, I guess I could explain it!
Seriously, this movie was a total waste of time. There was no point! It brought nothing new to the table. There were literally no deviations from the old formula. Oh wait, there’s an obstacle! Her parents hate him! That’s never been done before!
And of course, it’s like so many other movies, where the girl falls in love with this jackass guy for no reason at all. He convinces her to go out with him by jumping on the ferris wheel and when she tells him to get off, he makes like he’s going to jump if she doesn’t say “yes”. I tell ya man, if anyone ever did that to me, expecting me to suddenly change my mind and say “ohhh, no, please don’t kill yourself for little old me!” then they are dead wrong. Possibly quite literally.
But then I think, well, Pattie Boyd was in that exact same situation, right? And I couldn’t possibly think she was wrong for what she did. But then I think, well, it was Eric Clapton, so I guess could make an exception if I was in her place.
Anyway, there’s supposed to be something that happens that makes her see another side of him and realize that he’s not such a jackass after all, but it never happened. The lying in the middle of the road part was probably intended to have done this, but there was simply no reason for that scene to have happened. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t have gone on the date with him in the first place and she wouldn’t have willingly left her friend in order to spend more time with him.
But then I realize I’m wrong. About all of it. And for once, I’m not being sarcastic. I realize that they did think it out, and it works.
He’s cute. She’s a girl. They’re perfect for each other and she doesn’t need to see anything else in him other than that.
The one thing they can’t explain away by any stupid logic is the “twist”. I don’t know if they intended it to be a twist, but when someone who can’t tell you how an episode of “Charles In Charge” is going to end knows exactly how this movie is going to end within the first two minutes, then there’s a problem. The “Duke” name didn’t even throw me off, and I could even pinpoint that it was Alzheimer’s. Within two bloody minutes. Pretty bad.
And that brings us to another disappointing movie, “The Linda McCartney Story”. I missed the first fifteen minutes or so, which apparently featured Keith Richards, Jim Morrison, and the like, so it was a shame I missed. Though, thinking back now, it was probably for the best. The actors playing The Beatles weren’t very convincing, and like with “The Notebook”, I wasn’t very sympathetic towards the main character. It might just be that I hate women. I also hate that I’m turning into one, but that’s another issue altogether, and one I don’t have enough specific evidence for yet to write about it at length.
I don’t know much about Linda, but I didn’t particularly like how her younger self was portrayed in this movie. I can’t exactly pinpoint why, but she just wasn’t likeable. And don’t even get me started on John and Yoko. I understand that it’s a McCartney movie and obviously he’s not going to be the bad guy, but they took it a bit far with their portrayal. I wasn’t there, and I don’t know what did and didn’t happen in real life, but I would think Paul was just as much to blame as the others. I actually found myself thinking “poor Paul” towards the end rather than “poor Linda”, so it really seemed like a film about Paul rather than her, and it was just about putting Paul in a good light. Like the scene where he’s talking to Linda’s father, I think it was, that justified his reasons for suing the other Beatles, which I don’t think really worked to justify it.
One thing that I can definitely say made Linda seem less likeable was that she was portrayed as a groupie, and people just do. not. like. groupies! Except, it did give the movie the one line that made it all worth it.
Linda McCartney: Mick Jagger said he’d never have his old lady on stage.
Paul McCartney: Yeah, well screw him!
Linda McCartney: I already have!