A couple of unrelated issues about self-meaning today that have been floating around in my head for the past little while.
Firstly, as I've known for a long while, I want to do everything. Everybody tells me it's impossible and I've found myself believing them. That's why I've always hated making decisions and had other people make them for me instead — not because I'm afraid I'll make the wrong choice, and so that I'll have someone else to blame for doing so — but because I can't choose just one thing.
It kind of blows.
I'm good at a lot of things, but because I want to do everything, I can't just focus on one thing and perfect my skills at that one thing. It's like a video game for me. I'm not particularly well versed in videos games, so I'll just use Pokemon as an example, even though the old school Pokemon I'm used to wasn't quite like this, if I recall correctly. Some people will raise their Pokemon's hit points to the max, then they'll raise their strength, then their defense, and so on and so on. Me, possibly because of my OCD-ish-ness, I like everything to be the same. I want to get my level to 10 and my hit points to 10 and my strength to 10, and then I'll work on raising them all to 11, so I'm always equally good at everything, and I have no weaknesses. Neither way is really fast to become to ultimate Pokemon or whatever, but my way is just more balanced. I mean, you can have a Pokemon that'll knock your first dude out in one blow because he's so strong, but then if your opponent brings out another guy and he can kill this super strong Pokemon in one blow because his HP is so low, that's just not cool, man.
Saying to me "okay, pick one thing to do for the next four years" just plain doesn't work. That's not my philosophy.
Speaking of philosophy, I found myself browsing some philosophic theories on Wikipedia today and I realized that philosophy is just using big words to give crazy ideas merit. Case in point: solipsism. Sounds pretty professional, don't it? I've always personally believed in this theory somewhat, but didn't know there was a word for it. I just thought it was some crazy thing no one else would ever think of. Basically, it's the whole "I'm real and everyone else is a robot" concept, but they've worded it so it doesn't sound quite so wacky. I'm not one for skirting around the issue, I just like to say it, plain and simple, so one thing I know I won't be doing for the next four years is philosophizing.
But back to me being awesome. I'll play drums a lot one week, and then won't play again for a month. It's that time again and I've found myself pretty bored by most of the same old songs. So, as always, I find something new to try out. Yesterday it was "The End" by The Beatles, with Ringo's quasi-drum solo. Well, it is a drum solo, because it's just the drums, but it's pretty short, so that's why it's only quasi. I'm used to drum solos like "Moby Dick", yannow?
Anyway, way back when I first started with the drums, I took one look at "The End" and it was over. Nope. I could never play that. But after about fifteen minutes or so yesterday, I had it down, which makes me feel satisfied that, yes, I am improving. I also took one look at "Honky Tonk Women" way back when, and couldn't ever imagine being able to play something while opening and closing the hi-hat, I mean, fuck! That's just impossible!