Cool Cherry Cream

Here I am, in Orlando, Florida! Well, that kind of implies you’re going to be seeing me in Orlando, Florida. So I guess what I mean is, I’m here, at Orlando, Florida.

Today we decided to visit Epcot because they were calling for thunderstorms and I read that it was the best park to go to when it rains. Having been there now, I don’t quite understand why. There is quite a bit of walking between “worlds” and not really anywhere to go inside, unless you want to shop and eat everywhere.

Anyway, we got there at 9:30 or so, half an hour after the park opened. Our first stop was “Club Cool”, a building where you could taste Coca Cola products from around the world… for free! Yes, free! At Disney World! Crazy, I know! They had the little soda dispensers with about eight different drinks from Mexico, Costa Rica, China, Italy, Germany, and a couple other countries. The Costa Rica pink drink, Fanta, was the best. I also liked the ginger ale one, but I forget where it was from. There was one that just tasted like regular coke, but again, I don’t recall which one. Consensus was that Italy had the worst drink. At first you drink it and think “hmm, that’s different… yeah, it’s okay” and then a second later, it hits you… it’s just… totally bitter. Like, really really bitter. So we had more ginger ale and Fanta to get rid of the taste before moving on.

We started walking back to the world areas because there wasn’t a crowd there yet, but unfortunately, that turned out not to be the best idea. There was no one, and I mean no one there, at all, not even park employees. Which kind of defeats the purpose of trying to beat the crowds when there’s nothing open, don’t you think? So, we headed back to Tomorrowland.

Went into Mouse Gear, a gift shop, because it was just that darn hot that we didn’t want to keep walking outside. They were playing some silly song from “High School Musical” or something and had lots of Miley Cyrus things. I just don’t understand why her face is plastered on everything. She takes terrible pictures. I would not want her scary face on my backpack. I don’t know what she looks like in real life, so I’m just going to assume that it’s an over-photoshopped pic and not terrible plastic surgery (or natural scariness).

Next up was an indoor science centre kind of dealey, mainly because they had a show at 10:00, so we’d be inside. The show was “What’s Your Problem?”, an “interactive game show” about… Velcro. Umm, okay. For the first game, they had two groups of kids in teams try to build a tower of big Velcro blocks in sixty seconds. However, they had to use a cube with a pyramid on top as the base. I figured the game out right away, they needed to flip it on its side and build on top of the cube instead of the pyramid — duh! And I totally would have known that if I were their age.

For the second game, they had two men compete in a game where they had to Velcro up babies’ diapers after grabbing them from the “infant infinator” conveyor belt. They both ended up getting four babies, which seemed like way less than they should have (ie. they sucked). It was all more of a little kid kind of thing, so we didn’t stick around that area after the show.

Next up we decided to check out “The Sea”. We did the “Finding Nemo” ride, which had a crazy long queuing area, which fortunately was not even remotely full. You sit in a two-person clam and ride along sideways watching movie screens and fish scenery go by. I’m assuming the movie was like watching “Finding Nemo” in two minutes. My brother went on this ride, which was cool, because he hasn’t been on any ride in years, and going to Disney World with someone who doesn’t go on rides isn’t any fun.

When we got out of the “Nemo” ride, there was a room with lots of cool fish in tanks. There was also a tank with two big manatees in it, which we then went up to the observation deck to check out.

We were about to leave “The Sea” when I spotted another area. It was 10:45 or thereabouts and a dolphin show was just starting. As we were going in, two people standing at the entrance stopped us and told us we’d won and gave us these little shiny plastic cards. Umm, okay, whatever.

We went in and caught the end of dolphin show. I guess we spent too long looking at the sharks and stingrays and fish and GIGANTIC tuna. One dolphin apparently didn’t want to come out, so the woman said that they don’t make the dolphins do anything they don’t want to, so we just saw the one dolphin. I thought it was so cool that the dolphins can understand them. I didn’t realize that she was making hand movements to direct him, so I thought it could actually understand her voice, which would have been really amazing. Especially through the glass and everything. Either way, dolphins are pretty awesome creatures.

Upon closer inspection of our shiny plastic cards, we found they were not only Fast Passes — which in itself are a pretty cool concept — but Dream Fast Passes, for six rides in the park! You can use them once per day per ride on the day they were given to go in the special Fast Pass lane at any time of day, unlike regular Fast Passes which require you to be at the ride at a specific time of day. The normal wait may be an hour, but you can get on to the ride without waiting at all. Which is pretty sweet. We were super lucky to get those, especially ’cause we weren’t looking for them. We all thought they were handing them out to everyone, but apparently its only a lucky few per day. The two people handing them out were gone by the time we left, which was like five minutes later.

So, next up, we went to “Living with the Land”. We didn’t quite know where we were supposed to go, but I picked up my Dream Fast Pass and the girl at the Fast Pass Return started waving us in. And so, we walked past well over a hundred people waiting in line and went right onto the next boat. It was so cool.

The ride took us on a rather dark safari through a desert and farm and several other landscapes before we emerged into a bright greenhouse. It was actually surprisingly cool. There were giant cucumbers and pumpkins growing down from vines on the ceiling and nine pound lemons and plants that were growing with their roots above ground. They were hanging from this rotating contraption floating above the ground and they would alternately be in the sunlight or in an enclosed space where they would be sprayed with water. Pretty cool stuff. There was also another incredibly warm and smelly section with fish in it, including one tank full of tiny alligators.

Next we went over to “Soarin’”. The description outside the ride said something about being suspended in air and dramatic drops and lifts, so I pointed this out in case my brother didn’t want to go on. He decided he didn’t want to, so he and my mom waited while my dad and I went in. You couldn’t see the ride at all, so I was a little nervous myself, since I had no idea what to expect. Our Fast Pass didn’t allow us to go right in, there was a still five-ten minute wait. But still much better than the expected hour wait for regular riders.

Before we went in, they showed us a safety video that was narrated by Patrick Warburton, an actor who I don’t know but I’m sure many people do. When they showed us we would just be wearing little across-the-waist seatbelts, I knew the ride wouldn’t be too crazy. I really liked the video, because it shows how much Disney goes all out with the details. No disgruntled employee over the loudspeaker saying “please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times keep your hats and bags secured we are not responsible for lost or damaged items”. They actually made safety entertaining. Okay, not that entertaining, but it was a nice touch.

So you’re sitting in a row of seats and your legs are dangling below you. They bring you up high in front of a bunch of big seamless circular television screens. The movie starts and you’re soaring through the clouds, which at first was kind of freaky, but then I realized it was actually really cool. It was probably my favourite ride at Epcot. The actual seats doesn’t move all that much, just back and forth a little, but the movie makes it feel like you’re flying. Whenever we went over trees in the movie, I would see the people in the row above me lift their legs up. There was even one little bit that made my dad duck and the girl next to me flinch. Not scary, just unexpected, and then pretty funny.

We came off the ride and found my mom and brother. We explained that it was just like a 3D movie, so my brother decided to go on. We took a walk around the rest of “The Land” exhibit, but didn’t find anywhere that we wanted to eat. Came back and waited, and after two more groups of riders came out, we met back up with my mom and brother, and they thought the ride was pretty cool too (phew!).

While we were waiting, a guy sat down next to my dad and started talking to him: “where’re ya from? first time here?” yada yada. After awhile, he got up and my dad was like “I’m sure glad he left”. Then he commented on how Disney World is supposed to be the happiest place on earth, but he’s not a really happy guy. I corrected him and said that Disneyland, California is supposed to be the happiest place on earth, Disney World is the most magical. “Well, it must be true, because I wished that guy would leave”.

Next we went to the show “Honey, I Shrunk the Audience”. We had to wear the funky little 3D glasses and we went into a big room with TV screens above us but… no seats. Which kind of sucked, because we were hoping to go to shows and just sit down and relax. Instead, we had to stand for twenty minutes and watch a looped computer-generated video about the “Inventor of the Year” award (that was looped so many times, “Inventor of the Year Award” was burned into the screen!). And then we were forced to watch a ten minute uber cheesy commercial for Kodak. Now, you know that something is really cheesy when even *I* don’t find it enjoyable. After that ordeal, we were rewarded with the voice of Eric Idle explaining the background of the “Inventor of the Year Award”. Then we were told to go through the curtains on our left to the theatre. Meaning, yes, no more standing!

The video was kind of old, seeing as it was about “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids”, and had the original actors (well, I’m guessing, since I haven’t seen the movie but I know Rick Moranis was in it) along with Eric Idle at the fictional “Inventor of the Year Award” presentation. The movie had some neat effects, like mice running under your feet and the theatre being dropped and a gigantic dog sneezing on you, but the 3Dness was kind of blurry.

Next up was lunch at the Electric Umbrella (awesome name, by the way). When I went to tell my mom where we were sitting (at the very last empty table in the place!) I realized that yelling out “mom” would not be very helpful, so I called her by her first name instead, which was kind of weird. My brother and I of course proceeded to call her this for the rest of the day.

Bathroom stops happened throughout the day. I chose not to retell each visit in detail, I hope you aren’t too disappointed. Every bathroom had these little plaques by the sink, which I found incredibly useful.

Then we went on “Test Track”, which from the outside looks pretty scary, with the cars whizzing past above, but when you get inside, they show you another short safety movie that explains everything that will happen (going up a hill, rough terrain, extreme temperatures, barrier test, different speeds… things that a car would go through to be tested), and it doesn’t seem that scary. That was a really nice touch as well, for people who aren’t sure if they want to go on a ride or not. The ride was cool, but like a lot of things at Disney, was a bit of a commercial. They showed us the difference between ABS and non-ABS brakes, and after the ABS brakes demonstration, the voice-over dude was like “and that’s the way it should be”.

Next we went to “Mission: SPACE”, which brought yet another safety movie narrated by none other than Lieutenant Dan from “Forrest Gump”. Well, the connection was supposed to be that he was in “Apollo 13″ or something, but whatever. Each person in our “ship” was assigned a role: my dad was the navigator, my brother was the pilot, I was the commander, and my mom was the engineer. We chose the “green” track, the less intense one, again because we didn’t know what to expect. It was like you were on a spaceship going to Mars. In a very tight enclosed space. Anyway, each person was told to press a certain button at a certain time, which allowed us the chance to yell out things like “manual control enabled!”. My dad of course decided to not press his button (which had no consequence), but it allowed me to yell out, in my greatest commander voice, “dammit navigator, you’ll have us all killed!”. It was seriously the most epic moment of my life.

From there it was time to go to all the different worlds, starting at Mexico. We went on another little boat tour that was like a cross between the “Nemo” and “Land” rides, with videos and Mexican scenery. Norway also had a similar ride, “Maelstrom”, that we used our Fast Pass on. When we got to the end of the ride, the cast member was speaking over the loud speaker doing the “please don’t get up until the boat comes to a complete stop…” spiel, and then said “and now, a short film about………… Norway”. Aww. After the ride, we waited around outside the theatre before the movie started and you could still hear him on the loudspeaker. Noticed he didn’t wait for the crowd to fill-in-the-blank after our ride, hahaha.

After that, I’m a little fuzzy on the order of the countries, but there was Germany, Italy, France, Morocco, United Kingdom, Japan, China, and Canada, that I can recall. In China, we watched a 360 degree movie, which made me realize that I’d quite like to go to China. In France, they had these two dudes piling up chairs and one of them standing on them. Morocco had Aladdin and Jasmine and Genie signing autographs and doing pictures. The UK had some British people doing a skit in the street with some audience members, and also a cool store with Beatles stuff. And they all of course had stores and restaurants. China also had no bathrooms, and those who needed to pee in China needed to go all the way to Norway to relieve themselves.

In Canada we watched the video, which was a little disappointing. I mean, half the people there were probably Canadian, which was funny but sad. You could tell, when the host, Martin Short, mentioned the name of a city and there was cheering from the audience. Also, Martin Short is kind of annoying, so people will think all Canadians are kind of annoying, so maybe it’s for the best that Americans aren’t getting that view of us. I realized today though how stereotypically Canadian I am, because I am just so damn polite! Most of the video was all our different types of landscapes, but then at the end there was a song called “My Canada” that was just kind of eh. And I don’t mean “eh” as in “eh, ya hoser” or Fonzie’s “eyy”, I mean “eh” as in “meh”. And they had all these city shots that just screamed “hey, look at us! We’re just like you!”. Which, I mean, okay, we do have cities and we are pretty similar to the States. But who wants to look at boring old cities when we have mountains and polar bears?

Overall, the Epcot world theme is a really neat concept. Especially when you realize that all the Disney movies are from around the world. “Beauty and the Beast”, “Aladdin”, “Mulan”, “Pocahontas”, “The Little Mermaid”… like seriously, they’re all from somewhere different. Which is pretty awesome in itself.

We left at about four o’clock, after another quick stop back at “Club Cool” for a free cool drink, because we were all totally tired out and didn’t feel like spending more money on drinks. Anyway, if we wanted to go on any more rides, we’d have to wait with the peasants normal people.

All in all, Epcot was pretty awesome. There weren’t any crazy rides for you thrill-seekers, but it was just a really nice way to spend the day.