Cool Cherry Cream

While we were in Florida, my mom happened to get a text message on her cell phone. Which is weird, because, I mean, "mom" and "text message" in the same sentence?

Reading the message cleared it up immediately: "is she coming with us tonight?" it said. Clearly, they had the wrong number, so we just ignored it. But obviously, that's not the end of the story, or else I wouldn't be writing about it (well, I might, just to screw with you).

But they kept on texting us, they kept on texting us, they kept. on. texting us. I forget what all the messages were, but they were your regular garden-variety friend-texting-friend messages. "Wow, you take longer to reply than me lol" one read (again, I'm paraphrasing here, and they may or may not have said "lol", but that's how I pictured them saying it).

Eventually, we decided to do something about it. After all, this was the day after our cell phone provider announced they'd start charging for received text messages (which is total bullshit, by the way). My mom said she was going to call the person when we got home, because calling from Florida would obviously end up costing us more than a few more measly text messages.

I came up with a better idea: text back "I hate you, I was never your friend". So we did.

Our old friend back in Ontario got the message. Or at least part of it. "Huh?" they asked. Okay, they weren't as bright as we thought. They stopped for a little while, but in a few days, they started up again. "What time is mom getting home?"

A-ha! We've now learned a useful bit of information about our friend on the other end of the line. They are "our" sibling, supposedly. Which opens up quite a few possibilities. Rather than going the hate route, we can go the other way entirely and make the next meeting between these two super awkward, though one of them won't have any clue why. We could also fire off something like "I really need to talk to you. I think I might be gay", but that's much too blatant and uneloquent for my tastes. My brother suggested responding to the question ("What time is mom getting home?") with "I don't know, why don't you go check on the corner yourself?" (ooh, it's a thinker!).

We never got to choose the fate of these two siblings, unfortunately. Our friend wisened up (just a little) and demanded "Who is this?". And now for our eloquent yet succinctly worded answer…

"Satan."