She had originally told us we would be writing love letters to the future loves of our lives on Thursday, which of course no one was looking forward to. But once I got to thinking about what kind of bullshit I could make up this time, I had a nice little storyline going on. It would start off with “Dear David Lee Roth whoever you are” and then I was going to talk about what I imagine this person would be like. They are of course expected to know who David Lee Roth is and they are expected to let me run away with him for a little while if the opportunity so arises. And then of course, they must know something about computers. Not much more than me, and not much less. And I went on and on, about how amazing and wonderful this person is.

Of course, I must always have some way to wrap it up, some sort of ending that makes it worth it to have written it. So, I was going to come to the sudden realization that the love of my life is… me! Genius, innit? Yes, I know I am.

Alas, this never happened, so I will write instead about what did. I’d like to give you a rundown of the plot of “The Notebook”, but it’s just so complex that I don’t know for sure that I can, but I’ll try. Here goes: Girl meets boy. Girl hates boy. Girl loves boy. The end.

Hey, look at that, I guess I could explain it!

Seriously, this movie was a total waste of time. There was no point! It brought nothing new to the table. There were literally no deviations from the old formula. Oh wait, there’s an obstacle! Her parents hate him! That’s never been done before!

And of course, it’s like so many other movies, where the girl falls in love with this jackass guy for no reason at all. He convinces her to go out with him by jumping on the ferris wheel and when she tells him to get off, he makes like he’s going to jump if she doesn’t say “yes”. I tell ya man, if anyone ever did that to me, expecting me to suddenly change my mind and say “ohhh, no, please don’t kill yourself for little old me!” then they are dead wrong. Possibly quite literally.

But then I think, well, Pattie Boyd was in that exact same situation, right? And I couldn’t possibly think she was wrong for what she did. But then I think, well, it was Eric Clapton, so I guess could make an exception if I was in her place.

Anyway, there’s supposed to be something that happens that makes her see another side of him and realize that he’s not such a jackass after all, but it never happened. The lying in the middle of the road part was probably intended to have done this, but there was simply no reason for that scene to have happened. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t have gone on the date with him in the first place and she wouldn’t have willingly left her friend in order to spend more time with him.

But then I realize I’m wrong. About all of it. And for once, I’m not being sarcastic. I realize that they did think it out, and it works.

He’s cute. She’s a girl. They’re perfect for each other and she doesn’t need to see anything else in him other than that.

The one thing they can’t explain away by any stupid logic is the “twist”. I don’t know if they intended it to be a twist, but when someone who can’t tell you how an episode of “Charles In Charge” is going to end knows exactly how this movie is going to end within the first two minutes, then there’s a problem. The “Duke” name didn’t even throw me off, and I could even pinpoint that it was Alzheimer’s. Within two bloody minutes. Pretty bad.

And that brings us to another disappointing movie, “The Linda McCartney Story”. I missed the first fifteen minutes or so, which apparently featured Keith Richards, Jim Morrison, and the like, so it was a shame I missed. Though, thinking back now, it was probably for the best. The actors playing The Beatles weren’t very convincing, and like with “The Notebook”, I wasn’t very sympathetic towards the main character. It might just be that I hate women. I also hate that I’m turning into one, but that’s another issue altogether, and one I don’t have enough specific evidence for yet to write about it at length.

I don’t know much about Linda, but I didn’t particularly like how her younger self was portrayed in this movie. I can’t exactly pinpoint why, but she just wasn’t likeable. And don’t even get me started on John and Yoko. I understand that it’s a McCartney movie and obviously he’s not going to be the bad guy, but they took it a bit far with their portrayal. I wasn’t there, and I don’t know what did and didn’t happen in real life, but I would think Paul was just as much to blame as the others. I actually found myself thinking “poor Paul” towards the end rather than “poor Linda”, so it really seemed like a film about Paul rather than her, and it was just about putting Paul in a good light. Like the scene where he’s talking to Linda’s father, I think it was, that justified his reasons for suing the other Beatles, which I don’t think really worked to justify it.

One thing that I can definitely say made Linda seem less likeable was that she was portrayed as a groupie, and people just do. not. like. groupies! Except, it did give the movie the one line that made it all worth it.

Linda McCartney: Mick Jagger said he’d never have his old lady on stage.
Paul McCartney: Yeah, well screw him!
Linda McCartney: I already have!

But I didn’t consider not seeing it just because I didn’t like the songs. I don’t work that way. I’m going to see the movie, and judge the movie for the movie. Even though the cover versions were laaame and wussified.

Case in point: “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”. It had a very indie sound to it, and indie is just not my thing, nor is chick music (and I’m certainly not going to call it chick “rock”, because it wasn’t). This song in particular was just the girl singing and an acoustic guitar, mainly (and first off, lack of drums = crappy song). This song could’ve gone on the “I Am Sam” soundtrack, which also had boring, wussy, white-washed covers. But when watching the “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” scene in the movie, I didn’t notice how lacking it was. It actually… kinda… worked!

When listening to the soundtrack, “I’ve Just Seen A Face” seemed kind of countrified, which again, is not a genre I’m fond of. But also again, I didn’t notice this during the movie. And a gospel “Let It Be”? Not my thing at all, but still not my thing when watching the movie.

Let me make one thing clear: I’m not against cover versions. I’m not against people rearranging songs and making cover versions that are actually different. I actually prefer the vastly different cover versions (like Earth Wind & Fire’s “Got To Get You Into My Life”). There’s a fine line: some covers are just too similar to the original and are pointless (like, oh, let’s say, Pearl Jam’s cover of “Love Reign O’er Me”?), and then there are some covers that go in a-total-nother direction and turn out disastrously. Personally, for me, I found too many of the songs were slowed down and lost their edge, and that’s why I didn’t like them. Not because “they r a discrace 2 teh beetlezz!!!1 i can nevar lizten 2 the origanal agin!!11!”, but because that is just not the type of music that I like.

But then we have “Come Together”, which was actually pretty rockin’. Not nearly as good as Aerosmith’s version, but definitely one of the better songs from this movie, in my opinion.

Which brings me to the obvious comparison to “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”. And really, there is no comparison. “Sgt. Pepper’s” was a comedy, both intentionally and unintentionally. It was a lighthearted, fun movie. “Across the Universe” was not. It was a drama, a romance. Not a comedy.

I like comedies. No, let me rephrase that. I like funny comedies. I feel this has to be specified because so many filmmakers these days seem to forget that particular element of comedy. So yes, I do like “Sgt. Pepper’s” better, because it appeals more to me personally. Not to mention it had a much better cast: Peter Frampton, The Bee Gees, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Earth Wind & Fire, Billy Preston. Who did “Across the Universe” have? Joe Cocker and Bono. I rest my case.

The list. The list has to be done, now that I’ve seen them all, doesn’t it?

1. Help!
2. A Hard Day’s Night
3. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
4. Magical Mystery Tour
5. Across the Universe
6. Let It Be
7. Yellow Submarine

And there you have it. So you see, I certainly didn’t hate “Across the Universe”. Though, I must admit, I had low expectations going in and that may have tricked me into thinking it was better than it was. It’s still a little too soon to tell for sure.

One thing I was quite impressed by was the reinterpretation of the meaning of some of the songs. While only a teensy tiny little detail, I liked how “If I Fell” was handled, what with all the “her”s and “she”s in it and having it sung by a girl. And the “I Want You”/Uncle Sam thing was quite genius and slightly hilarious. I didn’t like the “She’s So Heavy” part though, because, well, the Beatles ain’t American, buddy. And speaking of “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)”, another good cover version.

Knowing the origins of the song “Dear Prudence” made me smile during that scene. There were a ton of little Beatle things like that throughout the film, which was nice. Reading the IMDB trivia, it appears I caught every reference and more (for example, the record guy being Bill as in Bungalow, videos projected on faces possibly a reference to “Blue Jay Way” from the “Magical Mystery Tour” movie, a “Two Virgins”-esque drawing on Jude’s wall, and so on). I only missed the fact that the contortionist was called Rita.

The “she came in through the bathroom window” line was good (and even my dad, who I was sure would hate this movie, laughed), but a little too blatant for my taste. If they’d just made it a little more obvious that the window was located in a bathroom (or oh, I’m sorry, are we still not allowed to show toilets on television?), that would have been much better and made the hilarity metre rise from a slight chuckle to an outright laugh. Subtlety, people, makes everything much funnier. Speaking of unsubtle song references, the old man at the beginning and “When I’m 64″? Totally laaaame.

On IMDB, one user says: “I noticed the #9 on the door. I didn’t pay attention to see if there were anymore”. I, too, noticed the 9 on the door, but I can assure you there were no more 9s, because they would have been much more blatant. This movie is not one that makes hidden jokes, they put them out there for everyone to see. Which, really, that’s fine, but it shows that their main audience is not Beatles fans, because Beatles fans would recognize these things without it being shoved in their face.

Okay, so previously I praised the interpretations of the songs, but… “I Am The Walrus”… now, it was no fault of the filmmakers that this song is impossible to make sense of, but couldn’t they have picked a song that, oh say, made sense in the context of the film?

I generally liked all of Sadie’s and Jojo’s songs, because they were rockers. Of course, that’s probably because they represented Janis and Jimi… again with the obviousness. I also liked both the George cover songs, “Something” and “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”, though “Something” was kind of useless and could have been cut, along with say “Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!” and a ton of other sequences.

So, all in all, some nice songs, some lame songs, the movie was alright, but much too long, but that’s how they all are these days, innit?

I don’t quite know how to describe it, but lately when I’ve heard this song, I feel like I should be listening to it lying outside at night, cool, but not cold, and you can feel the wind — well, I’d describe it better, but I’d feel like I was being poetic, and I’m not really poetic, so I’d feel like a jackass. But you know what I mean?

Obviously, the whole cricket sound effect has a lot to do with it. But I still have a very clear image in my head of how I should be listening to it, and I don’t have that with many songs. Aww.

So go on and vote! I think you know who to vote for… ;)

Vote Now!

Okay, if you want to vote for the Stones, that’s fine too, because, yes, I admit that they’re a nice little band too. But honestly…

Don’t make Johnny sad on his birthday! He wants to win! Do it! Do it for Johnny!

And on that note, also Happy Birthday to John Entwistle!

Isn’t it nice that you only have to sing “happy birthday dear Johhhhn” instead of “happy birthday dear persononeandpersontwoooo”? You only have to sing it once. And you’ve got them both covered. As well, I’m sure, as many other people in the world named John with a birthday today. Cool, huh?

And here are some of my completely unbiased opinions on some of the other questions. I agreed with most of the answers that won, but there were a few that were just screwed up.

In a good ole back alley ‘ass-kickin’ who would you like standing behind you?
The Beatles
* The Rolling Stones (winner)

Which band would you trust with your daughter?
* The Beatles
The Rolling Stones (winner)

WHAT THE FUCK? The Beatles were nice little boys who said “I wanna hold your hand”. The Stones were naughty little boys who said “LET’S SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER”!

Which band had better hair?
* The Beatles
The Rolling Stones (winner)

I’ll let Google speak for itself:

Results 1 – 10 of about 2,230 for “beatles wigs”
Results 1 – 1 of 1 for “stones wigs”
Google

Which album cover is cooler?
* Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (winner)
Their Satanic Majesties Request

Who looked the least enthused?
George Harrison
* Charlie Watts (winner)

Which band had a better rhythm section?
* The Beatles (McCartney/Starr) (winner)
The Rolling Stones (Wyman/Watts)

Who is missed more?
* George Harrison (winner)
Brian Jones

I didn’t have an answer.

Well, actually, I did, but I didn’t want to say “Long Long Long” or “I Will”. I’m not a big fan of ballads, slow songs, love songs, that mushy stuff, which is also one of the reasons I’m not a big fan of Elvis. Besides the fact that I’m a Beatles fan, and you just can’t be both. But two of my favourite Beatles songs are exactly that. “I love you, you love me, I’ll love you for ever and ever, isn’t that sweet?”. I didn’t want to give him the impression that I was one of those Beatle fangirls who swoon over Paul McCartney. Well, okay, Paul is was incredibly cute and all, and I may have swooned over him several million times once or twice in the past, but that’s not the impression I want to give people, because that’s just not *me*. I’m a Georgy Girl. Swingin’ down the street, so fancy-free.

“I don’t know, I don’t really have one.”

“You’ve gotta have a favourite Beatles song!”

Now, I don’t recall when exactly this exchange took place, but it was probably right at that strange period where I was shifting from the Beatles to the Who. I already own all the Beatles albums, I’ve heard all the songs, I’ve gone through my phase of loving Blue Jay Way and Chains. They were just old songs now. I’d listened to them millions of times and I needed something new. But, sadly, The Beatles aren’t putting out much new material these days.

Even if they did put out a new Monkees-Missing Links type unreleased album, I don’t know if I’d fall in love with any of the songs like I’m experiencing with Quadrophenia or CSNY songs now. Quad and CSNY stuff is new and fresh to me, even if these songs were released waaay before I was even born.

The last George Harrison album I’ve bought was Gone Troppo. I don’t know if I’ve listened to it all the way through. There’s several songs on the album that I know, because when I was really into the Beatles I’d had them on a Best Of Harrison CD. But there are also several that I don’t even recognize, and I probably never will. I’m just not into George as much as I was. I put back All Things Must Past at the music store, even though it was way cheap compared to the prices here, partly because I knew I wasn’t going to really listen to it and appreciate it.

But I’m getting off topic.

What is my favourite Beatles song? Of course, I go through phases where I rediscover a song and fall in love with it. But you’ve gotta have an overall favourite song that you can always enjoy.

“Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?”. A simple song. Two different lines repeated over and over. “No one will be watching us, why don’t we do it in the road?” But I still love it.

But what an inappropriate song! I could never say that out loud, especially to a – gasp – boy! How embarrassing.

“You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)”. A strange song. And I love it as well. This one I hadn’t heard until late into my career as a Beatlemaniac, which my contribute to the fact that this is still one of my favourites.

Led Zeppelin will be a different story altogether.

My first Monkees album was “The Birds, The Bees, and The Monkees” (well, after “Greatest Hits”, of course). My first Beatles album was “Abbey Road”. My first Who album was “Who’s Next”. My first Doors album was “L.A. Woman”. My first Zeppelin album was “Led Zeppelin I”.

Hmm… notice anything? Zeppelin I was their first album. My second Zep album was “II” and my third was (take a wild guess) “III”. Zeppelin is the only band that I’m being able to live through their career like they did in the old days.

It’ll never be exactly the same though, you see. I’ve already heard Stairway and other later songs, so I don’t get to experience their growth as one of the greatest rock bands exactly as it happened. My Zeppelin experience is also on fast forward. Whenever I feel I know all the songs on the album, I go get another one. I don’t have to wait for them to finish recording and all that.

“Well, there’s “Justus”. What a lovely album. I think I’ll go out and buy the Monkees next album!”

No. I can’t do that. Heh. I wish. Up until a few months ago it would’ve been something like:

“”Tropical Campfires”. Good job, Nez! Interesting album. But I’m done with it. I think I’ll go out to the record store and buy Rays, seeing as you’re finished and it’s released! Oh, and what’s this, you’re going on tour as well! Far out!”

But, in the most shocking move of the millenium (well, along with Charles in Charge being released on DVD), Rays was completed. And actually available for people to listen to. Only on iTunes, as far as I know. Haven’t gotten it yet, don’t know if I’m going to. The previews I heard seemed like mostly instrumentals, which I’m not a huge fan of. I want to hear Mike’s lovely old voice singing “sweet young thing-uh”. Actually, that would be a little creepy. Not unlike Jerry Lee Lewis and “Sweet Little Sixteen”. Heh heh. And Jimmy Page. But I don’t mind.

Did I ever answer the question? “Why Don’t We…” and “You Know My Name…” it is then. “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” has always been one of my favourites, but Sgt. Pepper’s has changed that. It’s given me a new appreciation for the original, but Steve Martin’s version is wonderful as well. Though I’ve never been able to listen to Paul’s the same anymore…

My aunt came over from Colorado, she was seeing some friends nearby, so we spent the day with her, downtown and stuff. Went to the restaurant on the beach. I played a few Beatles songs on the jukebox, but it kept going back and forth from the Beatles to Elvis, so I figured there was some Elvis fan in there, and so we had to battle it out.

Went on the beach a little, I love walking in sand. It was actually not too dirty.

Saw the house that we lived in when we were little, that my dad and aunt lived in before. It was TINY! I mean, MAN! We were saying we need a bigger house, but this thing was like, the size of my bedroom. Like holy crap. I thought it was a lot bigger. Everything seemed so much bigger.

But to hear my aunt and dad talking about all these places and stuff they remembered, I mean, it just made me think “man, I wish I had a childhood…”

Today in Math our teacher was telling us all these amusing anagrams. Of course, I’d heard them all before. I mean, I’ve seen, like, every page on the internet. Totally.

But anyway, so I came up with some anagrams of my own.

Well, okay, actually, first off, people in my class were like “wow, these people have no life!” But I’m like “hello, they have computers that do it for them! Like, DUH!”

But yeah, so here are my anagrams that the computer came up with that were interesting. Lovely.

Keith Moon – The Kimono / Eh I’m Not Okay
John Entwistle – When Jot Silent / Jewels Hint Not
Roger Daltrey – Lard Tree Orgy
Pete Townshend – New Note Depths

George Harrison – Ringo’s Gear Hero
Ringo Starr – Roar String
Paul McCartney – Manly Cute Crap
John Lennon – no anagrams!!!

Micky Dolenz – Lick My Old Zen
Peter Tork – Kept Retro
Davy Jones – Oy! Jed’s Van
Michael Nesmith – The Slim Machine

Neil Young – Online Guy
Ronnie Wood – On Weirdo On
Charlie Watts – Alas! Twitcher
Brian Wilson – Slow In Brain
Jim Morrison – Mr. Mojo Risin’ (no, really?)

You know, I’ve never really found any of Monty Python that funny. I started watching, I think, The Meaning Of Life on TV once and just turned it off because it was stupid. I saw The Holy Grail in grade 9 in English, and I seem to remember that I liked it, but I don’t think that I really did. The Black Knight or whatever and the French dude in the castle and the African swallow and horses… those are the only things I can remember that were even slightly amusing. Oh well.

I was a bit disappointed when about five minutes into the movie I realized the George character wasn’t going to say anything. Not that I needed to hear him say anything, I appreciated the joke. But in my Who story my joke was that John Entwistle doesn’t say anything. Geesh. I thought I read something about that somewhere before, so I guess I subconsciously stole it. Like I stole a riff from 1921 today. But I realized it. So, that’s good, I suppose.

The “you need feet to kick your friends” bit was probably the funniest part. I almost laughed. *Almost*. Because it was pretty random.

I mean, I like random. Monty Python’s random, isn’t it? But I don’t like Monty Python! I like British humour. I like A Hard Day’s Night, etc, etc. But I don’t like Monty Python! What the hell?!

Anyway, Mick Jagger was amusing as well. He’s cute. I mean, was. *sniff*

My mom was saying to me this morning that she said to my dad when I go to university, I’m gonna marry the first guy I meet who speaks with an English accent.

And sadly, I can see that happening. Heh heh.

Anyway, yeah, Mick Jagger and Ron Wood. Pretty cool.

George Harrison was in it as well, but he didn’t have very many lines. And he was wearing a “disguise”. Heh heh, what is funny though, is I read once that during the filming, some people are standing around watching I guess, and this one dude goes up to George and points to one of the cast members and says “hey, doesn’t he look like George Harrison?” Bwhaha. That’s even funnier than the actual movie. Unfortunately.

To enjoy that movie though, you really need to be a big Beatles fan. Otherwise you won’t realize all the little mannerisms (though, I didn’t see the little George dance, which surprised me!) and jokes. Like when they’re going to India and you see this one chick chasing after the train. Normal people would just say “Hey, who’s that chick chasing after the train?” and I would go “CYNTHIA!”

Little things like that were cute, but I mean, none of them were hilarious.

I wonder how many people there are that prefer Sgt Pepper’s over The Rutles…?

Anyway, I’ve got to be getting to sleep because I need to get up nice and early tomorrow (nine o’clock!) if I want to be able to see Mason twice. Heh heh heh…

On American Idol they were like “he’s gonna sing a Beatles song” and I’m like “HOW THE HELL DID HE MANAGE THAT?” but when they said it was Something I was like “ah, okay, well, obviously it wouldn’t be a Lennon-McCartney one”. I didn’t like how he did it though.

My mom said he ruined a great song. Now, first of all, I love George. You know I love George. I LOVE GEORGE FOR GEORGE’S SAKE! Okay? Got it?

But I mean, how can someone ruin a song for you? That is just stupid.

“Oh, Hilary Duff ruined My Generation by changing the words to “hope I DON’T die before I get old”!” Well, yes, that’s a pretty loser thing to do, but if it’s a great song, then someone can’t ruin it for you! So shut up you stupid people!

And Something isn’t one of my favourite songs. I mean, yeah, okay, it’s nice, but I don’t like love songs. I hate love songs. Do I hate love songs? Yes, I hate love songs. But do I really? Let’s see…

According to iTunes, I don’t have very many love songs with a five star rating. And most of those are too weird to even be considered love songs, like “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?”, which I was absolutely in love with some time ago. “I Will” is probably my favourite love song, I suppose. It’s a shame it’s so short. And I’m not all that fond of it anymore, since I’ve grown out of the Beatles.

But that’s why I don’t like Elvis and all those kinds of things. “Love Me Tender”, like what the hell? Pshaw.

Anyway, I’ve been having this headache all day and I’m feeling a bit freak outy. FREAK OUT! WOO! Um. Yeah.

Let’s see, let’s try to talk like a normal person for once. My math class was cancelled. Only five people were taking it. So I switched to another math class. Woo hoo.

Hey, you little kids! Yeah, you little kids! My brother’s friends! I don’t talk to myself, so shut up!

Stupid kids… why do they bother me? Like, what’s their problem? Geez. I never did anything to them! Did I? No, I didn’t! Losers.

Well, a few weeks ago, I boldly went were no sane person has gone before… I bought it on eBay.

Now, after my last movie, That’ll Be The Day, I was feelin’ a little down about buying movies. But, on I went, pressed the Buy Now button.

And let me just say, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is absolutely, positively, definitely one of the absolute greatest movies I’ve seen. I kid you not.

Now, you see, I walk home with Kristen. I wait for her outside the back door at school. Today I smelt some kids doing something they shouldn’t have been doing. And it was STRONG. I may have inhaled a bit too much of this, so maybe that’s why I enjoyed it so much.

The movie begins in 1918 or something, during the war. And suddenly, you see these marching band dudes walking right through the middle of it! It took me awhile to figure out they were playing Sgt. Pepper’s. A little too long. But at least I figured it out. Then the mayor of Heartland, Mr. Kite, explains to us a bit about their history, and how Sgt. Pepper and his Lonely Hearts Club Band played through the roaring twenties, the depression, etc, right up to World War II. Then they had a weather vane made in their honour and then Sgt. Pepper and the band (now old men) begin to play a song for everyone. But then Sgt. Pepper drops dead. Aww.

He wanted his nephew or something, Billy Shears (Peter Frampton), to continue on the band, and his brother Dougie Shears (Paul Nicholas, Cousin Kevin!) was sad. Then Billy got his friends, Mark and Dave and something (the Bee Gees) and they joined in his band.

Dougie Shears isn’t left out though, he’s their like roadie money loving girl picking upping dude that follows them around the whole time. Which is awesome, because I thought he’d only be there in the beginning!

Anyway, they’re playing Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, then Billy Shears runs up (wearing this awful pink and white outfit with his name on it!) and starts to sing With A Little Help From My Friends. Then we meet Billy’s girlfriend, Strawberry Fields. Aww. Then they get some telegram from this dude at Big Deal Records and he says he wants (bwhahaha wants… sorry, you won’t get it yet) them to send him a tape. So they do and they start playing Getting Better later somewhere and then they get invited to go to the record place.

Oh, and we meet Mean Mr. Mustard (“such a mean old man!” BWHAHA) and he’s like evil and he steals the original SPLHCB instruments from the mayor’s office. And he’s in this weird van with these two robot girls. Very strange.

And then there’s a lovely little scene with Billy and Strawberry and Strawberry sings Here Comes The Sun. And then the band goes off in their hot air balloon, and one of them gets sick ha ha, and then they are suddenly in an airplane? That confused the heck outta me.

Oh, and somewhere before this, Mr. Kite, the old dude, sings Fixing A Hole. It was strange.

Then, cue “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)”. They get outta the plane an into a car with the record dude an the chick driving the car. And the record dude starts singing I Want You to the guys! Now, if I was them, I would be getting my butt THE HELL OUTTA THERE, and my brother definitely found it disturbing. But I mean, the Bee Gees and Peter seem quite ah, girly, so I guess they were okay with it. :)

Then they go to the dude’s mansion and there’s these chicks there and they start the flirting and making out and stuff, and there’s one part there where they sing to the camera. That was awful. But hilarious.

So then the band gets famous and ruins various Beatles songs and whatnot. Billy’s girlfriend is sad so She Leav[es] Home to find him. She does find him, but he’s singing with Lucy and The Diamonds and then they start makin’ out again. So she’s sad.

AH HA HA. Then they’re recording Oh Darling or something in the studio and then he sees her, so they all start running out, but then the one Bee Gee that’s singing doesn’t realize it, so he’s the only one there still singing, so then they run back and get him. HA HA.

So then they find the evil Mustard dude’s car, and ’cause meanwhile he’s been taking over Heartland and making the old people and Strawberry sad. So the van computer tells them to go see Dr. Maxwell Edison (Steve Martin).

Maxwell’s a surgeon or something with his magical silver hammer and he taps old ugly people with the hammer and they turn into peppy gay tall kids wearing camping outfits. And did I mention THIS IS LIKE ONE OF THE BEST FREAKIN’ SCENES EVER!?!?! It reminded me a bit of Jack Nicholson as the doctor and the cult type thing with Eric Clapton in Tommy. Anyway, so they steal the trumpet thing from him, but Billy is knocked out, but then Strawberry sings Strawberry Fields Forever to him and he wakes up because he loves her and she loves him and they’re all happy.

Then they go to the Sun King (Alice Cooper), who’s brainwashing the camping kids, but he’s not really paying any attention to them, he’s watching boxing and eating pie, and they’re all watching a video of him singing Because. The band and Strawberry arrive and stop the brainwashing thing and steal the tuba and the Sun King gets pie in the face WHICH WAS FREAKIN’ HILARIOUS!

Oh, and Billy finds the drum in the van at some point, because Mr. Mustard just left it there.

Oh, and they go see Earth Wind and Fire sing Got To Get You Into My Life at a concert, but stupid Strawberry is standing away from everyone else and gets kidnapped.

Oh! And Dougie and some chick sing You Never Give Me Your Money and roll around in money and laugh and have fun! Woo hoo!

So now they’ve gotta go to the big bad guys and get the last instrument. The big bad guys are the FVB, Future Villain Band (Aerosmith). And they’ve got Strawberry tied up somewhere. So they start singing Come Together for no particular reason. And then the band comes up and there’s a big fight.

Now, let me ask you this: Who would win in a fight — Peter Frampton or Steven Tyler? Steven Tyler, right? Well YOU’RE DEAD WRONG. Peter Frampton kicked some Aerosmith butt! And then he died. And I was reminded of Tommy, because poor Steven was lying there like in Cousin Kevin when Tommy falls down the stairs. Lots of stuff reminded me of Tommy, actually.

But oh no – suddenly, the thing that Strawberry is tied up to falls as well, and wouldn’t you believe it — SHE DIES TOO!

So now there’s a funeral and Billy’s singin’ Golden Slumbers to her, and his friends tell him to Carry That Weight. So now everyone’s sad and Billy’s about to jump off a roof (and me and my brother start yelling at him to do it!) and then he DOES! And the stupid Bee Gees just look up stupidly and don’t even help him.

But, remember the Sgt. Pepper weather vane? It’s actually Billy Preston! He comes alive and flies down and zaps Billy and tells him to Get Back and he doesn’t die! And then he brings Strawberry back to life! And then they hug! And then they all dance around and are happy!

Then everyone gets together, along with Tina Turner (another Tommy character), Herman (from Herman’s Hermits), and a ton of other famous people. And they all sing Sgt. Pepper’s (Reprise) and are all together like on the album cover. Brilliant!

So yeah. I just adored this movie. Mom didn’t get to see it and she came home just as Billy Preston came on and she thought me and my brother were totally stoned. Heh heh.