Season 1 Sounds
1. Royal Flush
[Listen] "You know, we haven't worked in a month!..."
[Listen] "Will you please look under Harmonica?..."
[Listen] "How do we get into the dining room?..."
[Listen] "Davy, stand up..."
2. Monkee See, Monkee Die
[Listen] "It's a little gloomy, but, uh..."
[Listen] "...Returned a wallet to Mr. Cunningham containing $600..."
[Listen] "Wanna read my palm?..."
[Listen] "He's in love..."
[Listen] "It's the middle of our foggy season..."
[Listen] "Someone turned on the dark!"
3. Monkee Vs. Machine
[Listen] "Just think, they put an ad in the paper to reach me!..."
[Listen] "...In your spare time you are a man."
[Listen] "...You've got friends..."
[Listen] "My mommy won't let me play with toys that burn..."
4. Your Friendly Neighborhood Kidnappers
[Listen] "...We just came in here to get our clothes ripped off."
[Listen] "I may never play the guitar again!..."
[Listen] "I'm gonna be a star!"
[Listen] "...They brought their own pretzels!"
[Listen] "I can't think with this bulb hanging over my head!..."
[Listen] "...Now we're gonna bribe our way out!"
[Listen] "...Why don't you time your shows better?"
5. The Spy Who Came In From The Cool
[Listen] "Mike, I just saw a fella talking to a popsicle..."
[Listen] "You know that man over there?..."
[Listen] "...If I wear two of them can I record in stereo?"
[Listen] "...Heh, imagine that, wrong show!"
[Listen] "...You can't hear a nod!"
[Listen] "...I grow daffodils!"
6. Success Story
[Listen] "I thought you said you could make spaghetti!..."
[Listen] "..Rright, now get me my comb!..."
[Listen] "...Merci, senor!"
[Listen] "We could only afford one serving, yours is rubber..."
[Listen] "...The bakery's next door!"
[Listen] "...I'll give you 10A, that's over the wing..."
[Listen] "...When we're another minute short!"
7. Monkees In A Ghost Town
[Listen] "...I'd say it's a circle of bullets around our feet!"
[Listen] "...That's for the benefit of any of you who've tuned in late..."
[Listen] "...Maybe they'll come see us on visiting day."
[Listen] "You can't step on a spider!..."
[Listen] "...So what, we don't have a sand box."
[Listen] "...First we'll escape, then we'll play baseball."
[Listen] "Doesn't that gun ever run out of bullets?..."
8. Don't Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth
[Listen] "He already knows about us, it's the horse we've got to hide."
[Listen] "...I'm the kind of Monkee that sings!"
[Listen] "I'm not a horse, I'm a Monkee!"
[Listen] "...It, talks...?"
[Listen] "...I'm supposed to milk the chickens..."
[Listen] "...The milkman doesn't even deliver here!"
[Listen] "I want you boys to feel free to visit us..."
9. The Chaperone
[Listen] "...What TV show was she watching?..."
[Listen] "...No, I'm working my way down the block"
[Listen] "...Have you ever been to Palm Beach?..."
[Listen] "...Where's she going?..."
[Listen] "...Yes, what's a blood sucker?"
[Listen] ..."Do I gotta give back the ring?"
10. Here Come The Monkees (The Pilot)
[Listen] "...I wanna help Peter too, but I can't, he's a bird brain."
[Listen] "Me? You must be joking!"
[Listen] "...'Ello, luv!"
[Listen] "You are evil!"
[Listen] "You'll never take us alive!"
[Listen] "...What do you talk so much for?"
[Listen] "...One time, I was in the Air Force..."
11. Monkees A La Carte
[Listen] "I'm telling you, that guy's tough! He even wears a pinstripe suit!..."
[Listen] "Boss, there's a guitar in this guitar case!"
[Listen] "...I don't know, man, but don't do it again!"
[Listen] "Is it true that there are no two glove prints alike in the world?"
[Listen] "I'm gonna kill that little one."
[Listen] "Pick a number between one and ten..."
12. I've Got A Little Song Here
[Listen] "...Well, yeah, it's 'Dear Occupant'."
[Listen] "...What was the name of that hit?"
[Listen] "...Joanie Jans?! She's the hottest thing in show business!"
[Listen] "...When I was your age, I was 22!"
[Listen] "...You probably don't remember me, we met on a bus about 5 years ago."
[Listen] "...Oh, you know I will, Danny..."
[Listen] "...We're just good friends."
[Listen] "Oh, baby, it's gonna be my biggest one yet!..."
13. One Man Shy
[Listen] "You, uh, really get a big kick outta yourself, don'tcha?..."
[Listen] "You do and I'll be sorry!"
[Listen] "...I once got some threatening valentines."
[Listen] "...But now I can talk very openly about... [whispers] S-E-X."
[Listen] "I read an interesting music about books and politics."
[Listen] "...Yes, well, he owns the New Tork Stock Exchange!"
[Listen] "They are just fifth-rate musicians!..."
14. Dance, Monkee, Dance
[Listen] "...Could you give me a hint?"
[Listen] "...With an option for renewal."
[Listen] "Well, I see now, you can't send a boy to do a man's boj..."
[Listen] "1, 2, 3, 4, sit and kiss!..."
[Listen] "Hey, that little guy looks just like Davy!..."
[Listen] "...You know how much it costs for those sets and costumes?"
[Listen] "...I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, I can't drink!..."
[Listen] "...Do you know the mugoomba?..."
15. Too Many Girls
[Listen] "Do you care for a spot of tea?..."
[Listen] "...You're going to meet a girl and fall in love..."
[Listen] "Girl scout my... [cuckoo]!"
[Listen] "I know why 'es doin' it. It's 'cause I'm short, that's why! I'm short."
[Listen] "My name's David Jones, and... I think I love you."
[Listen] "...Now, take my wife. Please, take my wife!"
[Listen] "Ladies and gentlemen, we'll return with one more act, after a word from our sponsor..."
16. Son Of A Gypsy
[Listen] "...Yeah, famous last words..."
[Listen] "What does this pin stand for?..."
[Listen] "We are all thieves at heart!..."
[Listen] "...We are standing up!"
[Listen] "...Help, help. Wallet, mine... his now."
[Listen] "...What are you, a talent scout or something?"
17. The Case Of The Missing Monkee
[Listen] "...I'm sick!"
[Listen] "He knows too much!..."
[Listen] "...Micky! He knows me! He knows me!... No... I'm Davy."
[Listen] "...Why can't I play smart once in awhile?"
18. I Was A Teenage Monster
[Listen] "...You almost dropped his mother!"
[Listen] "..It looks like a long haired, near sighted monster with a guitar."
[Listen] "I think $200's not gonna do us any good if we're dead..."
19. The Audition (Find The Monkees)
[Listen] "Boy, it's not fair! We're as bad as any other group in town!"
[Listen] "Oh, Peter, please tell me it isn't the hiccups!..."
[Listen] "He's gone!..."
[Listen] "...They use the word 'riot' because it only has four letters."
20. Monkees In The Ring
[Listen] "...Oh, thank you very much, can I have a cookie?"
[Listen] "...You'll never play the violin again!..."
[Listen] "... He doesn't carry a purse, he carries a wallet!"
[Listen] "Do you know the thing closest to my heart?..."
[Listen] "Davy, is it true you call your mother every time you win a fight?..."
21. The Prince And The Pauper
[Listen] "...I know, that's what I told the producers."
[Listen] "Oh, really, girls find him very sweet..."
[Listen] "Miss Forsythe, uh, Wendy, will you marry me?..."
[Listen] "Oh, Ludlow! I'm so happy! There's no one in the world like you!..."
[Listen] "...There was a wise old man lived about 5000 years ago..."
[Listen] "You can tell who's gonna wear the pants in that family..."
22. Monkees At The Circus
[Listen] "Well, why don't we just snick inside and take a look?"
[Listen] "You do and I'll be sorry!"
[Listen] "You're amazing..."
[Listen] "...We were headed to Belgium."
[Listen] "Of course, we no longer perform the act..."
[Listen] "...Little joke, about that big."
23. Captain Crocodile
[Listen] "...Y'know, I think he's quite tall meself..."
[Listen] "Well that was it! How did it go?..."
[Listen] "...And on my left is the charming and delightful Peter Tork..."
[Listen] "...Will the real David Jones please stand up?..."
[Listen] "Kretch?"
[Listen] "Holy frogs legs! That really makes me mad!"
[Listen] "...Oh, no, no, I seen it once, I 'member seeing it well..."
24. Monkees A La Mode
[Listen] "...It gives you the impression that you are walking upon..."
[Listen] "...What? You wanna get us arrested?"
[Listen] "...'Cause you're standing on my hand!"
[Listen] "...The British are coming... over to my house for a party tonight!"
[Listen] "Tell me, Mr. Jones, what do you look for in a girl?..."
25. Alias Micky Dolenz
[Listen] "...That honest looking, handsome face guy is me!"
[Listen] "...Shut up! You got it already!"
[Listen] "Didn't they spot you with their search lights?..."
[Listen] "I'm the real Babyface, I can prove it to ya..."
[Listen] "Gosharooney!"
[Listen] "...It's a drag, sittin' here talkin' to you!"
26. Monkee Chow Mein
[Listen] "I knew we were light tippers, but that's ridiculous!"
[Listen] "...Eh, what colour's your new sport jacket?"
[Listen] "You fool! Once again, you have brought me wrong man!..."
[Listen] "In our business, secrecy is our most important weapon! Utter secrecy!..."
[Listen] "Okay, guys, let's go..."
[Listen] "You serve crabs?..."
[Listen] "...I didn't say we made money, I said we sing."
27. Monkee Mother
[Listen] "...The fingers should be eaten separately."
[Listen] "Look, she's a terror!..."
[Listen] "My arms, I can't move my arms..."
[Listen] "Look what I got! I found her at the supermarket!"
[Listen] "Clarice is English and she's not married yet..."
[Listen] "...I don't care."
28. Monkees On The Line
[Listen] "...Well, it's, there's no answer."
[Listen] "...He has six fingers on that hand."
[Listen] "There's a bed in the wall!"
[Listen] "...She must be awful skinny!"
[Listen] "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Where's my hat?..."
[Listen] "...Missing? Did you look on the piano?"
[Listen] "Hey, what happened to that girl?..."
29. Monkees Get Out More Dirt
[Listen] "I'm uh, gonna run down to the store and uh, buy some dog food!..."
[Listen] "...I think I'll go see April!"
[Listen] "I'm working on my doctor's thesis..."
[Listen] "...You can't expect the writers to know everything! Improvise!"
[Listen] "Don't tell me, you've given up motorcycles?..."
[Listen] "April is the cruelest month."
[Listen] "C'mon Peter, you gotta learn to be a good loser..."
30. Monkees In Manhattan
[Listen] "...He had sham when he was 12 years old."
[Listen] "...Fine, but the melody don't make it."
[Listen] "No, I couldn't do that, this is 304..."
[Listen] "...No, E flat never was my colour."
[Listen] "...Directed by an unknown, and starring The Monkees."
[Listen] "...Uh, Houston."
[Listen] "You're a millionaire, aren't you?..."
[Listen] "...How can we pay money we don't have?"
[Listen] "...I'd probably go burn the Village."
[Listen] "Oh! Look at that garage door!"
[Listen] "You are not! I'm uglier than you!..."
[Listen] "...Well, when it rains you get wet if you live in a parking lot!"
31. Monkees At The Movies
[Listen] "...Umm, you owe me 60 cents."
[Listen] "Oh, Davy, you drew the short straw..."
[Listen] "...He's made so many B-pictures, he's getting fan mail from hornets!"
[Listen] "And now, I'd like to have you meet the star of our film..."
[Listen] "Watch where you're going, shorty!"
[Listen] "You know what I've always wanted to do?..."
32. Monkees On Tour
[Listen] "You wanna go help an old man across the street?"
[Listen] "Is that the group, Monkees? I thought it was the Rolling Stones?"
[Listen] "Do you realise you have a Monkee on your back?"
[Listen] "...Mr. Kretchlow, your chickens are dead."
[Listen] "Let me ask you, if you really found out that none of us could play a note..."
[Listen] "And now, the world's best lookin' midget..."